The Disco Before the Breakdown
by DCFanatic4life
Summary: Christian left her, she moved on. She's with John now, but Christian still weighs heavily on her mind...What's a girl to do? Completed
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or real people portrayed in this story. The characters belong to Vince McMahon and WWE, and the real people belong to themselves.

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**A/N: Okay, so this is a new story, it will have multiple parts. It's not my usual stuff. I've never even written John Cena before, except for as a very tertiary character. I don't know if it's cool or not, whatever, I hope it is. I've also never done a Christian/Trish story, let alone a Trish/John story. So let me know what you think, be brutal if you want, I'm not overly sensitive.

Oh, and to clarify a little bit. This doesn't really have a specific timeframe, and Chris Jericho IS in the story, so obviously he isn't gone. And it doesn't really follow storyline TOO much. And Stephanie is not pregnant in this story. I think that's pretty much all you need to know. :)

Anyways, enjoy, and PLEASE review! (Especially because this isn't my usual shipper couple!)

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She watches him in TNA. Faithfully too. She sits down on her couch and she watches, regardless of anything else going on, on that particular day. She carves out the time in her brain, making a mental note and checking it day after day after day. Its something of a comfort, maybe comfort is too strong a word. It gives her something to focus on, and her focus has been elsewhere these past few weeks, months, however long it has been. She can't recall it off the top of her head. 

If you asked her what happened on the show, she wouldn't be able to tell you. If you asked her how many matches he's had, she couldn't give you the exact number. The words that come out of his mouth go in one ear and quickly make their exit out the other. But she sees him. That's what she does when she watches, she sees. And it may seem silly to hear or think about, of course she sees him, she isn't blind so she should see him.

But it's more than that, and she knows it. She _sees _him. She locks her eyes on him like he's a target she's waiting to shoot at. She watches him, intently, not necessarily looking for body language or any secret sign, she just…she watches him. She can't tell you anything that happens, but she can tell you how sometimes, if they get really close-up, his eyes get this sparkle in them. She would like to attribute it to a feeling he has, but more than likely, the lights are bright in the arena he's at, and they're glaring off his eyes.

She's pathetic, she knows it too. She doesn't need anyone to tell her that, and nobody does. She's distracted mostly, and maybe people are talking about her, maybe they aren't, she wouldn't know and couldn't tell you. It's not a sadness, and it doesn't go beyond sadness. It's just a distraction, a minor inflection in her brain. But distracted she is, and she hasn't found anything to remedy that.

She had never been affected in this way before. Did she love him? She didn't know, couldn't say if she was or she wasn't. Nobody had asked her since she left and so she hadn't thought about it for more than a moment, and oftentimes, you need more than a moment to figure out if you're in love or not. These fleeting moments where she thought about it were much too short to process what was in her mind.

It didn't matter anyhow, whatever she and Christian had was long gone, dust in the wind. She and Christian had been over for months now, and he should have no thought in her mind. She had moved on, well, if you could consider dating someone else moving on. She didn't know why she watched him in TNA so vigilantly, she had John now and John was really good to her, he was good _for _her. So why did she feel so bad that she had to hide the fact that she watched Christian from him?

"You know why," she muttered to herself as she looked over the script for tonight's show. "You know the exact reason why."

"I know," she answered herself. Now she was a pathetic loser who was talking to herself like she was the most intelligent person in the world. She had no answers for any questions. Her brain was mush and she was just going along with the most basic of instincts. At least that's how she felt sometimes; she felt like she was drifting through a fog.

"Hey babe," John said, walking into her locker room.

She looked up and smiled, glad for the companionship. John was nothing like he was on-screen, nothing like him. This John was funny, sweet, kind, and he dropped that whole "thug" persona as soon as he stepped backstage, and for that she was glad. She didn't know if she could deal with him if he acted the exact same way that he acted in the ring. But then maybe he wouldn't like her if she acted the same way that she did in the ring.

"Hey, what are you doing back here?"

"Came to see you for a second then I've got to head on back out, big night for me tonight because of what's going to happen this weekend."

"Why is that?" she asked coyly, knowing the answer, but still asking.

John walked over to the couch and leaned down to grab her hands, pulling her up from the couch. She placed her hands on his t-shirted chest and rubbed up and down his upper chest for a moment. He winked down at her, and it was moments like these that she could forget that someone named Christian ever existed. She was grateful for those moments, however few and far between they came.

"Got a big match this Sunday that I want my girlfriend to watch and cheer for me."

"I will be, don't you worry about that," she flirted. "And you know you're going to win anyways. I mean, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when."

"Do you think Hunter wants to kick my ass because they're keeping the title on me?"

"Nah, he's too busy with the engagement," Trish said, punching John in the stomach playfully. "And after the show we're going to…"

"Finish that sentence," he joked.

"John, what are we going to do after the show?"

"Rip each other's clothes off and then have sex?"

She punched him a little harder in the stomach. "No, although I did have that in mind before you so rudely ignored what we were supposed to do after the show. Now I won't even take my clothes off for bed, I'll sleep fully clothed."

"Geez, you say one thing and suddenly your girlfriend turns prude," John said, gathering the blonde up in his arms. "If I take you out to a nice dinner, wine you and dine you to the best of my abilities, will you at least take your socks off in bed?"

"I'll think about it," she said, giving him a smirk and then leaning up to kiss him on the chin.

"What? Now you're stiffing me with the kisses?" John said, jaw dropping. "What's next? We're going to have to sleep in different hotels?"

"John, don't tempt me," she said, turning her back on him, but she had already had a hold of his hand so she brought it over her shoulder and led him out of the locker room.

"Where are you taking me? Am I going to be fitted for some cement boots?" he asked, walking right behind her so she could feel the heat of his body permeating off of him and warming her up.

"Johnny," she said sweetly, calling him by her pet name. "Sometimes the joking gets on my nerves."

"I know something that doesn't get on your nerves," John told her, leaning down to pepper her neck with kisses. She closed her eyes at the contact, welcoming the hot breath against the sensitive parts of her neck. She felt him move up to her jaw line and go right under her ear, one of her most sensitive points and she moaned lowly, just loud enough for him to hear and respond.

"You're killing me Johnny," she breathed quietly.

"Good, I think you need to be killed." She opened her eyes and turned to him, laughing with a slight snort. "Okay, that came out so wrong."

She laughed and pulled away from him, walking backwards so she was facing him. "I don't know what you were trying to go for right there."

"Well, obviously, I was trying to sound sexy, but I don't think you being killed is quite the brand of sexy that I was going for."

"Good for me then," she said, still laughing.

As long as she was laughing, the façade was in place. What nobody knew about Trish Stratus was that she was an excellent architect. Yes, Trish was an architect, and you might be thinking, no, she was pre-med at one time, but Trish's true calling was architecture. She was an expert at building up walls. She built up walls so quickly that people couldn't even see them. Yes, she could build invisible walls and she was great at it. She was like a magician.

They often say laughter is the best medicine (who "they" are is up to interpretation of course), and for Trish, it was the closest thing to normalcy that she could feel. Something was constantly nagging on her brain, except when she was laughing. Maybe that's what attracted her to John in the first place. He made her laugh and she needed to laugh, she needed to feel like she was normal again. Because she hadn't felt normal since Christian's departure.

How could she equate something to Christian's departure? What kind of metaphor or simile would be most appropriate? Christian leaving was like…fleeing in the night. He had darted out so quickly that she had not seen him go. Sure, he had said his goodbyes, his "I'm sorry's," but it was still…he still…it was just like he had fled in the night from some faceless and nameless demon that chased him.

Maybe Trish had been that demon, she didn't know. She had never asked, so she sat there and she watched him in TNA and she tried so hard to just forget him, to purge him from her life, but what they had was intense. It was the most intense kind of experience Trish had ever been a part of. In every person's life, there should be at least one intense experience that just makes everything pale in comparison. She looked around and saw other people in love and she was happy for them, but she had been in _love _with Christian. That's why it was so hard.

John was not intense, it just wasn't in his nature to be super intense. With him, things were light and fun and just a whirlwind of…everything. It was different, but she couldn't say that it was a bad different. It was just…different. By now John was staring at her because she was staring off into space, not paying attention to a word that she had said.

"Trish, what's up?"

Trish blinked a couple of times, clearly out of it before lifting her eyebrow in question, "Huh?"

"You blanked out on me, you also almost ran into that table," he said, pointing his finger towards a table right behind her and a little to the right. "What's going on in that head of yours? Thinking about jumping me tonight, or right now? Whichever works for me, really."

"No, I was just…thinking, that's all. I've got that match with Mickie coming up and I have to focus on that so I don't go out and embarrass myself, or Mickie since I want her to come out looking good too, and since she's new and I'm not, I'm really going to have to be the one in charge of the match…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I didn't ask to hear your whole life story because I've heard that, so you explained yourself, it's all good."

"Okay…" Short and sweet, just how she liked it. She turned so she was by his side again and he held her hand in his. She liked his hand, it was strong and dwarfed her own. She wasn't lying when she told John that she had feelings for him. She did have feelings for him, don't get her wrong, but she needed more time with him. She looked up ahead and saw Hunter and Stephanie walking down the hallway, talking animatedly. Hunter had his arm around Stephanie's waist and she was looking up at him.

"I bet you I know what they're talking about," John told her.

She laughed. "Are you kidding me? They're talking about the same thing they've been talking about for weeks, the engagement party. She's like obsessed with it. And he just goes along with it."

"Hey guys!" Stephanie said.

"Where are you going Steph?" Trish asked.

"Dinner with Hunter, we're going to discuss the--"

"Engagement party," John and Trish said in unison and Trish nudged her hip against John's. They had been so right because Stephanie was so predictable.

"Hey, come on, I'm not that bad," Stephanie pouted. "Am I that bad Hunter?"

"You're a big help," is all he said, knowing he would get in trouble if he answered in the affirmative. "That's what you are."

"Well, anyways, we're going to dinner to finalize some plans, the party is next week, and you two are definitely coming right?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Trish said. "The way that you're playing it up, it's going to be the party of the century. We can't miss the party of the century, we'd be social outcasts, and we don't want that, right Johnny?"

"Yes, right Johnny," Hunter said in a high-pitched voice.

"You call me Johnny one more time and I'm going to kick your ass for real and you won't even be able to have our title match, which I'm winning anyways."

"Okay boys, testosterone levels down," Stephanie said. "We're getting out of here, and we will see you later, bye lovebirds."

Stephanie and Hunter walked off and Hunter turned to Stephanie, "Do you think we should've told her."

"I'll handle it."

"Stephanie…"

"Hunter, I know you were the one to invite him, but let me handle it okay, I'm better friends with Trish than you are…so just let me handle it. She's just going to have to deal with the fact that Christian is coming."

Trish was completely unaware as she continued walking down the hallway, only to be confronted with Chris Jericho a few moments later. Seeing Chris always reminded her of Christian. Christian had been one of his best friends, and it was just…well, it brought back memories, memories that she had held on to for so long.

"Hey Trish, John," Chris said shortly. "Did I just see Hunter and Stephanie?"

"Yeah, you did, they're going out to dinner for--"

"The engagement party," Chris groaned. "I can't believe how obsessed Stephanie is over that. You'd think that she'd get a grip or something. Totally annoying."

"Don't let her hear you say that, or she's going to kick your ass," John said.

"I know," Chris said, rolling his eyes. "Whatever, I don't really care about whatever engagement party. I'm just going and drinking and maybe making an embarrassing toast to the happy couple and then leaving with my woman."

"Sounds like you've got a solid plan," Trish said sarcastically.

"So…" Chris said, suddenly remembering who was going to the party and now feeling slightly uncomfortable. "Have you taken a look at the guest list?"

"Nope, I just know me and my man are going to be there and we're going to have a ton of fun," Trish said, swinging her and John's hands between their bodies.

"Oh…" Chris was NOT going to be the one to let that cat out of that bag. "Yeah, you are, tons of fun, it figures to be one hell of a party. Just keep it on the hush-hush."

"It's hushed," Trish said.

"Look, it's nice chatting, but I've got work to do, and you're just bugging me now Jericho," John said, giving him a look.

"Likewise," Chris said, slapping him on the back. He wondered if he should say something to John about Christian being there, but he decided against it and just let them walk past him. He wondered how Trish was going to react seeing Christian there. He wondered how Christian was going to react seeing Trish AND John there. There was going to be some major fireworks.

"Okay babe, I've got a promo to do and then I'm all yours."

"Okay Johnny." He leaned down to give her a peck on the lips before walking away and up the stairs to the set. She was always a little bit sad when he left because it left her with her thoughts and they always started to wander towards one man. It was a strange existence that Trish was leading.

She was torn between two men, and neither one even knew it.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews of the first chapter. Some of them had to make me chuckle a little bit. I hope that you continue to enjoy the story.

I honestly don't know if this will end with Christian/Trish or John/Trish, so let me know what you want. It could go either way, I'm totally open to both possibilities. If you want neither, let me know that too.

Enjoy…and review. :)

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John Cena was not the kind of guy to sit on his hands. He wasn't the type of person to just sit back and let what he wanted get away from him. But he did have morals and when he first found himself attracted to Trish, he knew that he couldn't do anything to rectify that situation. She had been with Christian, and John was not the kind of person who took someone else's woman. That just wasn't the type of guy that he wanted to be.

But he had bided his time and his chance had come and now she was his. Suddenly Christian was gone. It was a shock, a surprise that he wanted to attribute to karma. He knew Trish was heartbroken, but he didn't want to waste any more time. He didn't want some other guy coming and snatching her up because that's exactly what would happen. Trish was a beautiful, desirable woman and for her to be on the market for long was a ridiculous notion.

He knew she was still distracted by Christian, despite the persona, he wasn't a complete idiot. Her and Christian had been together for two years, and to expect her to be completely over him was not something that he expected. He was patient with her though, giving her time, never pushing or prodding. She was coming around, slowly, but she was definitely coming around.

"Babe?" John said, nipping at her ear.

"Yeah?"

"You were doing it again."

"Daydreaming?" she inquired.

He knew she wasn't daydreaming, but thinking about Christian. Yet he still played along, not wanting to push her, so he responded, "Yeah, you were daydreaming."

"I get so distracted," she said in an irritated voice. "I guess I just have so much going on."

"Understandable, we lead very busy lives."

"I'm sorry Johnny," she told him climbing into his lap, and straddling him, her knees pressing against his thighs. She ran her hands under his t-shirt and across his muscled chest. "I don't mean to daydream when I'm with you."

"I know," he said and right now he would say anything if she just kept touching him like this. Trish was a goddess in bed and he had to yet to figure out how Christian could give up THAT.

"I'll try to be better, I promise."

"Hey, we're cool," John told her, grabbing her wrists and pulling them away from his body. "You understand that right, that we're cool."

"We're cool Johnny," Trish said, trying to sound like she was some cool hipster. John smirked at her and she resumed rubbing his chest. She pulled up his shirt slowly, revealing more and more of his skin to her. She leaned down and started feathering his chest with kisses and he watched her with a blissful look on his face. She took the shirt over his head and gave him a playful wink as she attacked his neck, running her tongue over the vein.

"We're so cool babe," John drawled out, his voice becoming low.

"I know," Trish said, as she nibbled at his neck. "You make me feel so good Johnny."

John was glad to hear that. He didn't know his place in Trish's life, but every so often, she could give him a glimpse of the things that he really wanted from her. The most important thing wasn't love or anything like that. He just wanted to be the only one she thought about. Maybe it was impossible, maybe it would never happen, but it was moments like these where he could hold out hope that maybe someday, it would be him that she got distracted by.

"Babe, you have a match coming up in a few minutes, we can't finish this now so maybe we should stop."

"But you don't wanna stop Johnny," Trish said, pressing herself down a little firmer into John's lap. "Do you?"

"God no," he rasped. "But babe, we have to, you have a match."

"Johnny, don't push me away," she said, and the huskiness of her voice belied the abject sadness that lay far between her words. Trish was scared. She might not even know it, but she was scared to let anyone else in. Broken hearts were terribly hard to mend.

"I don't want to babe, but you really do have a match coming up."

She pulled away and looked at him. Her brown eyes were a shade darker and her lips were pouty. He fought himself and leaned forward to kiss her. She smiled into his kiss and John snaked his arms around her waist to pull her closer so her covered chest was pressing into his bare chest. He could feel her against him and he wanted her right now, they both could feel it. But she really did have a match and he really did have to pull away. He hated pulling away from her though because sometimes it felt like she would never come back.

"Okay, I'm going, I'm going," she said standing up. "But we'll finish this later."

"Oh you better believe we're going to be finishing this later."

Trish leaned down to give him one last peck on the lips before she walked out of her locker room. She had a match with Mickie James coming up and she needed to focus on that. She needed to focus on her match and not the feelings that John was eliciting in her not a few moments before. She could still feel the way that he felt beneath her and she had to bit her lip not to get aroused right then and there. She had a match to focus on.

John watched her from his locker room. He loved the way that she moved in the ring. She was so fluid and seamless. Hell, he might even go so far as to say that she was the better wrestler, but he'd never admit that to her. He remembered how she felt above him and he was reassured that she was his, at least for now. How long he would have her was not up to him, and it never would be. He needed to just cherish the time he had with her though, before it was snatched away.

Trish came backstage from her match, a little sweaty and a lot tired. She saw Chris standing there, obviously waiting for the next match, which was his. He threw her a smile and she sauntered over to give him a quick hello as was appropriate in social situations.

"Nice job," Chris said shortly as he jumped in place warming up for his match.

"Thanks," Trish said. "Good luck in your match."

"Where's John?" Chris asked.

"Locker room, where's your wife?" she asked.

"Around," he said. "You know what the tradition is…I can't see her for the five minutes before my match. Bad luck."

"You know, most guys like to get a call from their wives or see their wives right before their games or matches, but you're the only guy I've ever met who doesn't want to even see his wife before his match."

"I'm unique," he told her. "So have you by any chance talked to…Stephanie or Hunter?"

"Why?" Trish asked.

"No reason," Chris said quickly. "You might want to find one of them though…I mean, you know, get the tangibles for the party. Just to make sure you look great and everything. You're a bridesmaid right?"

"Right."

"Yeah, she might want to talk to you about that…or other stuff…"

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not telling me something Chris Jericho?" Trish asked. "Am I going to have to find your wife and get it out of her?"

"Trish, it has nothing to do with me," Chris told her. "John's a good guy Trish."

"I know," Trish told him. "What makes you think that I don't know that, I'm his girlfriend after all. If anyone knows how good a guy he is, it's going to be me. Why would you say something like that?"

"I'm just making sure that you know that," Chris told her, hearing his music starting up. "That's my cue, see you later Trish."

"Bye."

Trish stood there for a few moments, pondering what Chris meant by that. Okay, so she knew what Chris meant by that. When did she become so transparent? Could everybody see right through her? Was everybody just pitying her and seeing her as this broken woman who couldn't get over Christian? Oh no, what if John knew? She had never considered the fact that maybe John could see through her too. This worried her. She didn't want John to doubt her feelings for him, because she DID have feelings for him.

She rushed back to their locker room and found him in the same position he was in when she left, but his arms were folded over his chest and he was staring at the television. She closed the door and locked it behind her, standing against it for a moment. He turned his head towards her slowly and a smile crept up onto his face. She just looked at him a second, her lips pursed together, almost a grimace.

"Okay, did I do something you just found out about that you didn't like?" John joked. "Cause you've got this look on your face like I'm suddenly the devil, and we both know that's Vince McMahon."

She just looked at him a moment, studying his face. Did he know? If Chris knew, then why wouldn't John know; she spent far more time with John than she did with Chris. Maybe John had known all along, maybe he was a far better man than she ever could've imagined. John was looking at her, getting a little worried now. Trish was just staring at him. He got up from the couch and walked over to her slowly, cocking his head a little to catch her glance, but it didn't work.

"Hey babe, what's up? You're going all like comatose on me."

"I'm just…thinking."

"Oh," John said, "Well, thinking's cool, thinking gets a lot done."

He was so patient with her, and she was probably breaking him inside. "Johnny, I care about you so much."

"I know babe, you don't have to tell me that," John told her, still walking slowly towards her. He reached her and gathered her up in his arms, pressing her against him as he tilted backwards so that he could look straight into her eyes. "You were looking all kinds of sexy out there. I mean, damn, I thought that you were going to catch fire you were so hot."

"Kiss me," she said shortly.

"Well that's a direction I know I'm going to take."

He leaned down and kissed her hard. She wanted this, she needed this to reassure him that she was devoted to him, however misguided that was. She wrapped her leg around his waist, and he hoisted her up against the door, pushing her against it roughly. She didn't care though as his hands found her hair and mussed it up. The sweating she had done during her match gave her a musky scent that drove John nuts as his hands were all over her body. He couldn't stop himself.

Maybe it was some unconscious need by John to prove to her that he was there, that he was the one who was there for her and not Christian. Christian had left her, and he had been there to help her pick up the pieces. He was the one she slept next to day in and day out. He was there for her, Christian wasn't. He wanted her to feel HIM there and not Christian to look at him and not look for Christian. He just needed that.

Trish was equally as passionate, reaching between them to undo John's pants. She wanted him to know that she did know that he was the one who was there with her. Trish didn't want to plant seeds of doubt into John's mind. Yes, she missed Christian, but she was moving on. She was moving on and she just needed time, but she didn't want John to mistake that time for her never being able to feel something real with him. This was real, this fire, this passion between them was completely real and she needed him to feel that, to experience it with her.

"Wait, not against the door," she panted. "They'll hear."

"I don't give a shit who hears us," John said against her neck.

"John, no, not against the door," she said breathlessly, trying to push him away.

"I need you now Trish."

"John, please," Trish said, putting her legs down. "Please."

She didn't want to be pushing him away, she did need him. She hoped he didn't think that she was distracted again. So she initiated him moving, pushing him gently until the back of his legs hit the side of the couch and he fell softly against the cushions. He looked up at her, and she knew that she was the only one she saw. She looked down at him and wanted him to know that he was the only one she saw. She didn't need Christian, she didn't need him and she was proving that, to herself, to John, and somewhere out there, in the vast space between them, she was proving that to Christian.

Trish would have bigger demons to face though, because someone was coming back into her life…soon.


	3. Chapter 3

"Well, I think Chris should tell her."

"Excuse me," Chris said to Stephanie. "What in God's name makes you think that I should be the one to do it?"

"Because you were the nosy one who had to know who was on the guest list. Therefore, as the last one of us to know, you should be the one to pass on the information to Trish."

"Did you hear that?" Chris asked Hunter. "Did you hear that explanation?"

"Sounds pretty good to me," Hunter said, smiling at Stephanie, who grinned back at him.

"Oh, so that's how it is huh? Just because you two are the ones in on this little engagement party, I get to be the odd man out. I hardly think that's fair."

"Need I also remind you that you are the best man at this wedding, and the best man usually takes care of the hard things so that the couple getting married doesn't have to worry?"

"So, yeah, I'm the best man, big freaking deal," Chris said.

"Sounds fair to me, right Hunt?" Stephanie said quickly.

"Yup, sounds good Steph."

"If anyone should be the one telling her, I think it should be you Stephanie," Chris responded.

"Me!" Stephanie said indignantly. "Why should I be the one who has to tell her?"

"Because you are the one who is obsessed with this engagement party, so I think that you should be the one to tell her, what do you think about that Hunter?" Chris asked smugly.

"He has got a point, you are really into this engagement party, and you are planning a lot of it, so it would make a lot of sense."

"Hey, whose side are you on here?" Stephanie asked him.

"I'm on neither side," Hunter told her.

"Then I think it should be you, I mean, you're the one who wanted to invite him in the first place. Shouldn't the guy who invited Christian take that responsibility?"

"That's right," Chris said, glaring at Hunter. "You ARE the one who wanted to invite Christian in the first place. You should tell her."

"Whoa, just because I wanted him there doesn't mean that other people didn't want him there. Would you protest his going Chris?"

"It's not my engagement party."

"You never even had an engagement party," Hunter told him, and Stephanie glared at Chris and shook her head. "You have no prior experience."

"Well I don't know why you want an engagement party in the first place," Chris countered. "I didn't have one and I'm still married aren't I? I haven't screwed it up so badly that my wife, my dear, darling, beautiful wife of the last three years, has left me. So engagement parties are useless."

Stephanie scoffed and looked at him. "I hardly think that's true. I think they can be pretty useful."

"Give me a break Stephanie," Chris said, rolling her eyes. "Look, Hunter invited him, Hunter should tell."

"Well, you should tell because you're the best man," Hunter said.

"You both should just tell her," Stephanie said haughtily.

"Uh, how about you Miss Priss," Chris told her snidely. Stephanie stuck her middle finger up at him. "Oh that's real smooth Stephanie. You're the one coordinating this entire thing, I think the responsibility falls on you."

"Why don't we all just tell her then," Stephanie said. "The three of us are the only ones that know he's coming, we should all be there. I mean, if I tell her, she might punch me, and do either of you want to see this beautiful face to be ugly?"

"I might be interested in seeing you ugly," Chris said, raising his hand.

"I hate you," Stephanie said blandly. "I really, really do hate you. You're so immature sometimes."

"Aww, you're so kind, look Hunter, she's complimenting me."

"How about you two cut it out for like two minutes so we can go do this? Do you think she's going to take it that badly? I mean…really?"

"Have you seen her?" Stephanie said, putting her head in her hands. She glanced up at the two men who were looking at her blankly. She sighed, wondering how they could be so dense sometimes. "I mean have you seen the way she looks sometimes, not have you seen her in the most general sense."

"Oh, you mean when she gets that look on her face," Chris said. "When you know she's thinking about Christian."

"I think we're all familiar with that look," Hunter said.

It was true, and it wasn't just the three of them that were familiar with said look; everyone was pretty familiar with it. Trish wasn't fooling anybody, probably not even John. She was still hung up over Christian. The three of them sighed as they thought about their friend. It was pathetic, but in a completely understandable way. They felt badly for the blonde woman who was still wallowing in her heartache.

"Do you guys know what happened?" Hunter asked.

"Yeah," Chris said. "Christian pretty much just up and left her. He said goodbye, that he needed to start a new chapter of his life or some such bullshit and then he just left. I don't know why exactly, I haven't really talked to him about it. Our conversations usually amount to what's going on in the ring."

"Ours too," Hunter said. "I usually avoid the topic of Trish altogether. Christian's still my friend and everything, but you know, touchy subject."

"Trish wouldn't eat for at least five days after," Stephanie said sadly. "I remember Edge finding her and taking her to the hospital because she was suffering from exhaustion and dehydration."

Tears welled up in Stephanie's eyes and Chris, who was next toher, wrapped an arm around her. "Hey, don't cry. She's better now, at least on the outside."

She shrugged his hand off of her shoulder, not wanting anyone to act like it was a big deal. "I know, I just worry what's going to happen when they see each other again. It's pretty obvious that she's not completely over him yet. Then we're throwing her to the wolves."

"But it's not like we can just ignore one or the other," Hunter said. "We're all friends with the both of them, and it's not fair to choose one or the other, none of us had anything to do with their break-up."

"I don't think that Trish realizes what she has in John," Chris said, thinking about what he had told Trish before about John being a good guy. He was a good guy and right now, Trish deserved a good guy.

"So let's just get this over with then," Stephanie said, always the most determined out of any group. Hunter and Chris looked at each other and shrugged, following the dominant female out of the room. They were kind of dreading Trish's reaction to the news. Hopefully she took it well, considering she was with John now and they seemed like they were at least a little bit happy.

The procession down the hall was single-file, Chris taking the lead, Stephanie in the middle, and Hunter bringing up the rear. When they reached her locker room, they knocked and Trish called for them to come in. Chris opened the door and let Stephanie and Hunter walk through before entering himself. Trish looked at the three of them walk in and looked confused. The three amigos stood shoulder to shoulder and if they resembled anything, it was a couple of three-year-olds that had done something very bad and were about to get punished.

"This is weird," Trish said. "What can I do for you guys?"

"We needed to tell you something," Stephanie started, "something important. And…Hunter, would you like to take it."

"Well…Trish," Hunter said, looking like a deer caught in headlights. "Chris needs to tell you something."

"Um, no I don't," Chris said, leaning forward to look at the other two. "I think that Stephanie has something to tell."

"No, you do."

"No, YOU do," Chris said.

"YOU DO!" Stephanie said angrily.

"Hunter, can you give her a hard shove in the side for me," Chris said. Stephanie glared at him and folded her arms in front of her. "Oh don't go all petulant Stephanie, it doesn't become you."

"I don't know why I deal with him, why do I deal with him?" Stephanie muttered, saying something unintelligible under her breath, but it sounded like a number of some kind.

"Okay you two, break it up, this isn't what we came here for," Hunter said firmly.

"You two are crazy," Trish said. "Why don't you just come out and tell me what this is about. You guys have me a little bit worried. This isn't like an ambush or something is it? Because I consider you guys my friends and it would kind of stink if you guys were to turn on me."

"Fine, I'll do it," Chris said, sitting down on the coffee table in front of Trish. He grabbed her hands and held them in his own, running his thumbs over the soft knuckles of her hand. His voice was gentle when he spoke the next few words, "Trish…Christian is coming to the engagement party."

Stephanie closed her eyes and waited for the explosion. The only explosion was inside Trish's stomach. She blinked her eyes rapidly and nodded slowly, like she hadn't actually heard the news but was reacting anyways because it was what was expected of her. She felt like her chest was caving in and she was caught in the endless rubble. She put her hand over her heart to make sure that it was still beating. Yup, it was still ticking away, so she was still alive.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" she asked quietly.

"We're telling you now," Stephanie said, trying to laugh, but it came out pitiful. "We could've just hidden it from you."

"Why? Why invite him?"

"It was Hunter's idea!" Stephanie confessed.

"Trish, Christian's my friend," Hunter said. "I couldn't just not invite him. He knows about the engagement, about the wedding, it wouldn't be fair. We all can't just choose sides here."

"Are you okay?" Chris asked softly.

"No, I'm not okay, what made you guys think I'd be okay!" Trish said, pulling her hands away from Chris roughly and standing up. "I know you should be able to invite him and I respect that, I just…I'm not ready to face him, to see him, I'm sorry, I'm just…I have to go."

Trish rushed out of the room, leaving the three of them there. Chris stood up and received a couple of impassioned looks. He sighed and looked at Stephanie, who was tilting her head towards the door and giving that look that pretty much made anyone who knew her cave in and give into her whims. Except this wasn't so much a whim as it was a genuine plea. Chris ran his hands through his hair and walked out of the room, finding Trish standing next to the door, tears in her eyes, but not ready to fall yet.

Chris took her into his arms and held her tightly, switching their positions so he was leaning against the wall and she was wrapped tightly against him. Trish buried her face into the soft cotton of his t-shirt, clinging to his middle. She just needed to hug someone. John was off somewhere, she had forgotten everything in the interim between finding out she would most definitely have to face Christian again and now. Chris was murmuring words of nonsense to try and comfort the distraught woman.

"Hey now, it's not going to be so bad," Chris told her. "I promise it won't be."

"How would you know?" Trish asked, pulling away and wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. "You've been married for three years, and before that you were with...you don't know anymore."

"I'm not so old that I don't remember what it's like to break up with someone that you love."

"Babe?" Chris looked up and saw John. Trish sniffled loudly and tried to compose herself, keeping her back to him.

"Hey John," Chris said.

"What's wrong?" John asked as he looked concerned at Trish's behavior.

"Nothing," Trish said, turning to face him. "I was just feeling a little down, you know, and Chris was here to make sure that I was okay. I bet you anything though, it wasn't his idea to come out here and comfort me."

"So you got me," Chris said. "But it was nothing, really, but I'll be glad to let you take over John, my woman is probably waiting for me and you know how she hates to be kept waiting for anything."

"Yeah," John said, but he was distracted by Trish. Chris wandered off and John placed his hand on her shoulder. "You ain't cheating on me right?"

She laughed quietly, "I'd be murdered if I were cheating on you with Chris, you'd never find my body…not ever."

"So what's wrong then?"

She thought about telling him that Christian was coming to the engagement party, she really did. It mulled around inside her body and she seriously contemplated the reasons for why she should tell him. John was a good man, he would understand. Or maybe he wouldn't be so understanding. She was trying to be better around him, to not let him down, or let him know that her mind was sometimes elsewhere. She was trying, and she didn't want to regress.

"Just…needed a good cry," she lied. John didn't really buy it, but didn't want to push it. They were both keeping these secrets from each other and it wasn't healthy, but it was what it was. They hid the truths from the other, even though it might've helped had they just come out and said what they were thinking.

But John and Trish weren't the kind of people who really wanted to rely on something else. They were both proud people, strong people, and to admit that these mistakes, the way their relationship was playing out, neither one of them wanted to do that. So they stewed in their lies and secrets, letting them lie until they might explode.

"Are you sure? Did someone say something to you?"

"You don't need to be so protective of me Johnny," she said, trying to sound light so as not to arouse his suspicion. She let him hug her tightly, and she hugged him back lightly. But her mind was elsewhere, it was flying, soaring.

Her mind was in Florida with a certain blond man.


	4. Chapter 4

Trish had contemplated telling John that Christian was going to be there. She knew that honesty in a relationship was an important trait, but she didn't know how to tell him something like this. How could she tell her new boyfriend that her old boyfriend was going to be at the event they were going to tonight? She just didn't know how she'd breach the subject. She really liked John, but she didn't know how he would react to the news.

Or maybe she did know how he would react. Maybe that was why she wasn't telling him upfront that Christian was going to be there tonight. He would react badly, or at least badly for John, which wasn't that bad. He'd be wary though, she knew that much and she didn't want him to have a bad time tonight before he even got to the party. But then he might have a worse time if he knew that she knew that Christian was going to be there. Nothing about this whole thing made sense to her. How could she possibly prepare herself for something of this magnitude?

Was she making this out to be bigger than it was though? Maybe it would be a non-event. Maybe she would see Christian and it would be like she was just seeing an old acquaintance that she didn't see anymore. Maybe she was totally over him and she just hadn't realized it yet. Maybe the confrontation would show her that she was just putting this all out of proportion and nothing was going to go wrong at all. She smiled at that thought.

"You look beautiful," John whispered in her ear as she lifted her hands to put her earring in. She smiled at him through the mirror and he smiled back. "Now you look even more beautiful with that smile."

"Johnny," she blushed. "You always compliment me too much."

"What? You want me to just quit with it and tell you that you're a butt-ugly goober or something?" John joked.

"Does this look like the face of a goober?" she asked, moving her face around to show off her gorgeous mug. John just laughed and kissed her cheek.

"You drive me nuts, you know that Stratus?" he told her.

"You drive ME nuts Johnny, but in the completely good way," she winked. Yes, she could do this. She could go to that party and she could just have fun with her boyfriend and totally forget that Christian was even there.

Oh, who was she kidding? She wasn't going to get over Christian so easily. She wasn't going to see him and feel nothing, she knew that already. If she felt the way she felt when she watched him on TV, then it would be bad. If she multiplied it to what she thought she was going to feel like when she saw him in person, then it was going to be a million times worse than she ever could've predicted.

"Hey babe, I needed to go to that store around the corner and pick out a card for the happy couple, so I'll be back in a few," John said.

"Are you sure Johnny? We don't really need the card," she called after him as he headed for the door. "We have the gift."

"But they won't know who it's from if we don't get the card," John reasoned. "Don't worry about it, it's like what, get one freaking card, how hard is that? But if I ain't back in like fifteen minutes, send out the National Guard."

She giggled. "Okay, but I'm telling you, if you're not back exactly fifteen minutes from when you exit that door, I'm going to call the police to search for you and send out a missing persons report. You may find your face on a milk carton."

"Hey, my face should be on a milk carton," he responded, making a posed. "Til later babe."

"Later," she said and she smiled as she watched him go. But as soon as the door clicked shut, she sighed and sat back in her chair, looking into the vanity mirror in front of her. She was so confused, so damn confused by every moment of her life. She stared at her reflection a moment.

Sometimes she didn't know the person who was staring back at her in the mirror. Like, she knew herself and she knew how she worked, but sometimes she felt lost in the drama that surrounded her heart. Her heart was the very thing that was torn between these two men. And maybe if she sought out herself a little deeper, she'd realize that her soul was already a little torn apart by it as well. She grabbed her cell phone and dialed Stephanie's number.

"Hey Stratus, what's up?"

"Hey Steph, you busy?"

There was a momentary pause, "Not really, I have some stuff to do when the party starts, but right now I'm just getting ready, why, do you need something?"

"Would you mind it if you came down here?" Trish asked.

"Well, I'm getting ready with Lita too, do you mind if she comes down?"

"No, that's fine, I just need…reassurance," she said nervously.

Stephanie understood and agreed immediately. She hung up soon after and Trish sat back, waiting for her friends. She didn't know if Lita knew about the Christian situation, but she didn't care at this point. In a few hours, everyone would know about the Christian situation, and she'd feel every eye on her, at least, that's the image her mind kept conjuring up. She didn't know if it was going to be true or not, but that's how she felt right now.

The knock at the door broke her from her reverie. She got up, smoothing out her skirt and went to the door, letting in Stephanie and Lita, the latter of whom gave her a hug in greeting. Stephanie went and sat on the couch and looked up expectantly at Trish, like she was going to make a big speech. Trish sat down in one of the chairs and sighed, looking at the two other women. Lita didn't ask any questions so Trish could only assume that Lita knew about the situation.

"He's going to be there."

"He is," Stephanie confirmed, though they both knew the truth.

"What if he wants to talk to me? What do I do?" she asked in a panicked voice.

"You talk to him," Lita said. "I mean, come on, you have to, don't you?"

"I agree," Stephanie said. "I mean, it's like, if I ran into an ex-boyfriend in the street, and he had broken my heart, I'd probably still talk to him you know."

"Yeah, but I don't think that you loved any of your exes like I love…loved Christian," Trish said, correcting herself quickly, but then ruined it by continuing, "not that I love Christian mind you. I mean, I don't think I do, maybe I do, okay, so I kind of do, but I've moved on, I've definitely a different person, I'm with John now, I'm happy with John."

"John's a good guy," Stephanie said and Trish was reminded of the words Chris had told her not too long ago, the words echoed in Stephanie's voice.

"John IS a good guy, maybe he's THE good guy," Trish said firmly. "But…"

"He's not Christian," Lita supplied.

"Yeah," she whispered, looking down. "Does that make me a horrible person? Am I horrible because I can't give myself completely to John? Here he is, this wonderful, great guy who treats me SO well, and I'm screwing it up single-handedly. It's like, I'm doing everything wrong and he's just like, picking up the pieces after me."

"He loves you Trish," Stephanie said quietly. "I know you probably don't want to hear that, but he does, and he does all of those things because he loves you."

She closed her eyes, "I know that, and I'm so scared to confront it."

"We can't tell you what to do," Lita said. "You have to follow what you think is right Trish. If you think that you and Christian are right, then you owe it to John to break it off. If you want to be with John, then you have to talk to Christian to get it off your chest."

"But the thing is…I don't think I know who I want, not really," Trish told them.

"I hate to sound cheesy, really," Stephanie laughed. "But you have to listen to your heart, your gut, because those things are the ones who are going to tell you who you are meant to be with, not us. The only thing we can do is crowd control in case you get into a fight."

"No! Don't put those visuals in my head," Trish said with a laugh. "Okay, so my dress, what do you think?"

"I think you look great," Stephanie said. "I wish I could look that good, I look like…well, I look horrible."

"Oh please Steph," Lita said. "You look fabulous and you know it. And you weren't going to look anything less because tonight is the night of your big party."

Stephanie gave Lita a light shove, "Shut up."

"Oh you know it is," Lita teased. "You want everything to go perfectly."

"Sue me," Stephanie said in a stupid voice. "You look great Trish, trust me, you are going to knock every guy's socks off…well, not my guy, but that's because he's a good boy who doesn't look at other girls."

"Yeah, wasn't that Torrie that I saw him flirting with earlier," Trish said slyly.

"Oh ha," Stephanie said, "So you guys are going to be ganging up on me is that it? I can't believe you would do that, but fine, rag on me all you want, I can take it, I'm a McMahon damn it."

"We know!" Lita and Trish said in unison, then Trish spoke, "You remind us of that little fact every single day."

"I get the point," Stephanie said, standing up. "Okay, so how do I really look? Tell me the truth, and I do mean the truth. I had a hell of a time trying to find something to wear that would you know, look good on me."

"I don't know what you're worried about," Lita said, "you're not even showing yet."

"I've got a little stomach," she said, pushing her dress down over her slightly bulging stomach. "You're sure you can't tell."

"Steph, you can't tell," Trish said. "Trust us, nobody is going to know."

"Okay, just making sure, I don't need everyone fawning all over me," Stephanie said. "I do like this dress though, and Lita, I want your dress, and I'm going to steal it."

"Just make sure I'm not wearing it first," Lita said. "I've got to get back though, I haven't done my makeup yet, you going to be okay Trish?"

"Yeah, thanks Li, I'll see you at the party."

Once Lita had left, Stephanie turned to Trish, "You know, whatever happens, it's going to be okay."

"I know," she nodded.

"Even if you end up alone, it'll be okay."

"I know Steph," Trish insisted. "Don't go changing into a motherly figure on me."

"Hey, I can't help it," she laughed and hugged her friend. "It's just Christian Trish, you've dealt with him a million times before, and this time is no different, the circumstances may be different, but you're still Trish and he's still Christian."

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of," she mumbled.

"Does John know he's going to be there?"

"No. Please don't tell him," she requested simply.

"I won't, I've got to go anyways, I'm not done getting ready either. Good luck Trish."

When Trish was alone again, she sat down on her bed and she closed her eyes to keep her tears at bay. What Stephanie had said reverberated through her mind. She was still Trish and he was still Christian. Those words had gotten to her. If they were still just Trish and Christian, why weren't they together? If they were the same people, shouldn't they have been able to work through everything and still be together?

She wanted to sob, she wanted to tear her hotel room apart and rip up her dress and burn it. She wanted to do something destructive because she hated everything. She hated this person she was becoming, she hated the uncertainty that came with this indecision. She hated hurting John because she knew that was what she was doing. She was hurting him because she wasn't with him completely, no, part of her heart was elsewhere and while she was getting little piece by little piece back, it would never really let go of Christian, and it scared her to no end that this should be the truth.

"I'm back!" John said and Trish blinked back her tears and grabbed her shoes so she could be looking down when he came into the bedroom. He spied her putting her shoes on and laughed. "You're kidding me right, those things have like ten-inch heels."

"They do not," she said, hoping her voice didn't sound clogged with tears. "They're only 3 inches Johnny."

"Still, you cannot be comfortable with those on."

"You underestimate me," she told him sweetly. "You just watch me tonight."

"Tonight, babe, I'd like to watch you every night, in fact, I do watch you every night, well, every night you'll let me," John said, his tone slightly lecherous. "You ready to go, party's starting soon."

She wasn't ready. She'd never be ready.

"Yeah Johnny, I'm ready."


	5. Chapter 5

Stephanie walked into the ballroom, making last minute observations and watching the caterers and planners wandering around, making sure the tables were set up neatly. She smiled as she looked around. It looked absolutely gorgeous in here, the lighting, the tables, the pictures along the back wall. This was going to be one kickass party and she was the one who had coordinated the entire thing. She wanted to give herself a nice pat on the back for a job well done. She was so proud that she had done all of this with all the stuff going on in her life.

Her cell phone rang in her purse and she grabbed it out of the small clutch. "Hello?"

"Hi Mommy!"

"Hey angel, what are you doing?"

"Kista said I call!" he told her, referring to his babysitter.

"Sweetie, let's take the voice down a step or two okay?" Stephanie told her son.

"Sorry," the little boy said. "Miss you."

"Oh sweetie, you're just upstairs and I just saw you a little while ago," Stephanie told him with a soft laugh. "But if you really, really don't want to stay there with Krista, you just tell me and you can come down here, okay?"

"Okay Mommy," Devin said softly. "I colored."

"Wow," Stephanie said in awe as she smiled at the thought of her little boy coloring, which was his favorite activity, it made her want to run upstairs and join him. "What did you color?"

"Animals!" he yelled happily.

"That sounds like so much fun, you'll have to show me what you colored when Mommy and Daddy go upstairs, okay?"

"Yeah!" he screamed. "Where you Mommy?"

"I'm downstairs in the ballroom," she told him.

"For party?" he asked. Stephanie laughed, she really had been talking about the party too much if her 2 year old son knew that was what she was doing at the exact moment.

"Yeah, for the party, Mommy would let you come down, but you're going to bed soon and Mommy and Daddy don't want you to fall asleep here. Did you eat dinner?"

"Uh huh, I had mac-cheese," he told her. "Yummy."

"Sounds yummy, did you save some for me?" she teased.

"No, I eat all of it," he told her. "Where Daddy?"

"Daddy's around, why angel? Did you want to talk to Daddy too?"

"Yeah! He party too?"

"Yeah, he's part of the party too," Stephanie explained patiently, knowing that her son was very inquisitive. "Let me go find Daddy for you angel, okay, then he can say goodnight to you because you'll be asleep when Mommy and Daddy get back."

"No sleep," he protested.

"Yes sleep," Stephanie said firmly but gently. "When you wake up, Daddy and I will be right there to get breakfast with you and you can stuff your face."

"Okay," he said, but still sounded disappointed.

Stephanie walked out of the ballroom and started to look around so she could hand off Devin to his father. She wandered around until she saw Hunter talking with Chris, Chris was adjusting his sleeves while Hunter was talking to him animatedly. She smiled at the two of them talking. Chris, the best man, was reassuring Hunter, the groom, that tonight was going to well. Chris and Hunter looked over to her and smiled. She walked over and Hunter gave her a friendly hug.

"Hey," she said to Hunter, forgetting for a moment that her son was on the phone.

"Hey you, big night huh?" she said with a grin.

"Yeah, it is," he said, giving her a smile too.

"Hey, hate to break up the love fest over there," Chris said, rolling his eyes, "but you seem to have a phone in your hands and there might be someone on the other end of that phone just sitting there like a loser."

"Oh God, I'm stupid, it's Dev," Stephanie said, then jutted out her bottom lip. "He wants to talk to his Daddy."

"Oh, let me talk to him real quick," Hunter said, taking the phone from Stephanie, who shrugged. "Hey there Dev."

"Hi!" the little boy said brightly. Stephanie looked around and saw a very uncomfortable Christian near the entrance to the hotel. She nudged Chris in the ribs since Hunter was still on the phone with Devin and gestured towards him.

"Should I go talk to him?" Stephanie asked.

"He does look a little uncomfortable."

"Okay, I'll be back then," she announced to Chris, since Hunter was still on the phone. Stephanie walked over to Christian and tapped him lightly on the shoulder, causing him to jump a little bit. He turned towards her and smiled. "Hey Christian, how are you?"

"I'm good," Christian said, leaning towards her and giving her a hug which she gladly returned. "You look great."

"Thanks," she blushed. "What are you doing here so early, the party isn't expected to start for another twenty minutes."

"Well, I didn't know if you needed help or anything, or you know, I thought maybe I should just say my congratulations, drop off the present and then leave since you know…"

"Know what?"

"Come on Steph, we're both not stupid, we both know who's going to be there at the party and I don't want to ruin this party, I know how much work you've been doing on it and Hunter too, and I just don't want to be a nuisance."

"Nonsense," Stephanie said, shaking her head. "You wouldn't have been invited if nobody wanted you here. Hunter specifically asked you to be here, and I didn't argue one bit. Trish and that whole situation, well, we can put that aside for one night, can't we?"

"I don't know," Christian said, looking down. "I mean, I haven't seen her since…well, I've seen her on television, I watch her on television and well, I mean, you know, I haven't really talked to her."

"Christian, she's seeing someone, did you know that?" Stephanie asked gently.

"Oh, is she?" Christian asked, his voice a mixture of surprise and disappointment. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"It's John Cena," Stephanie told him. "Look, I trust both of you not to ruin tonight for anyone. You're both adults and you both know how to behave. Everyone wants you here Christian, trust me on that one."

"Yeah, okay," he said, and he forced a smile on his face. "So is there anything I can do before the party to help you out since I'm here a little bit early?"

She thought for a second, "I think I've got everything covered, why don't you come over and say hello to Chris and Hunter, that's something you can do."

"That's definitely something I can do," he said, and she looped her arm through his and walked over to the duo standing by themselves, Chris looking at his watch as Hunter was still on the phone with Devin, apparently having a very deep and in-depth conversation with the little boy.

"Are you STILL on the phone with him?" Stephanie asked as she walked over.

"Hey, I can't help it, he's telling me all about this DVD he was watching earlier, and he's a really good storyteller," Hunter said. "Besides, I like talking to him, he's the only one around here who gives an honest opinion."

"Hey! I'm honest," Chris protested.

"Too honest," Stephanie muttered.

"You guys have not changed," Christian said as he shook Chris's hand. "I trust that you've been taking care of your missus."

"She's still alive isn't she?" Chris joked and Stephanie just shook her head at him.

"You're such a weirdo," Stephanie told him.

"Well, you're such a slut," Chris said back with a smile. "Dirty, rotten slut who got herself knocked up…twice."

Stephanie just licked her teeth and kept her mouth shut as Christian just laughed. "Still the same old Jericho and Stephanie, always at each other's throats. So this party is going to be like extravagant?"

"The princess wouldn't have it any other way," Chris said, mocking Stephanie again.

"It's going to be nice," Stephanie said, "I wouldn't say extravagant, more like elegant and sophisticated."

"Hey Steph, I've got to go," Hunter said.

"Oh, so you're finally off the phone, did Devin get tired of you?" Chris joked.

"No, he wants to tell me all about the different animals in his coloring book, but well, the party's almost starting and I've got to…get the you know what," Hunter said, then handed the phone back to Stephanie, but not before throwing out a, "Night Dev, sleep well okay?"

"Okay Trip," Devin said excitedly, obviously the farthest thing from tired, even though his bedtime was fast approaching.

Hunter handed the phone back to Stephanie, "I'm going to kill you Chris for teaching him to call me that."

"What? Trip is a good nickname and do you know how hard it is for him to say Hunter?" Chris told him. "Besides, he likes it, and I call you that, and well, Dev wants to be exactly like me in every way."

"God help us," Hunter said. "Okay, I'll see you two in like forty-five minutes, wish me luck."

"Good luck," the three of them said, and then Chris turned to Stephanie, "So can I finally talk to my son?"

Stephanie laughed then handed him the phone, "There you go Daddy."

"Finally," Chris said, taking the phone from Stephanie, "Hey there mini-J, what's up?"

"Daddy!"

Stephanie and Christian left Chris to talk with Devin as they walked into the ballroom. Christian turned to Stephanie and she gave him a kind smile. She knew what he was thinking about and she led him to the closest chairs because she could sense that he wanted to talk about what had happened with Trish, and what he was feeling now. Stephanie had become quite perceptive in her motherhood.

"So lay it on me."

"What's there to lay on?" Christian asked.

Stephanie sighed. "Christian, you and Trish, that's what I'm talking about. I could tell that you were a little upset when I said that she was dating John Cena, so obviously there's something there…"

"You said it yourself, she's with John, that's what it is, I'm not going to see to it that her happiness is stripped away."

"Why did you leave her Christian?" Stephanie asked. "Everyone's been wondering it and everyone's been too afraid to ask, but why did you leave her? Everyone thought you guys were in love."

"Not everything can be as perfect as your marriage," Christian snapped.

"Whoa, if you think my marriage is perfect, you're delusional. If you think Hunter's engagement is perfect, then you're delusional. Look around you, nobody's relationship is perfect. Take your brother and Lita, they started dating because they cheated, that's hardly ideal, but they're happy, but it's not perfect."

"You can't tell me that you and Chris aren't perfect. You're married, you have a son, you have another on the way apparently, and everything is great for you."

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "Why is it I'm always giving the counsel? Why do I have such an inviting face? Christian, listen to me, Chris and I have our fights, just like you and Trish had, but the difference is we didn't run away. You think it was easy for your brother to come out and say that he loved Lita in spite of what happened, no, it's not easy, but you don't run away."

"I get it Steph, I was a coward and now I've lost everything, that's what you want me to say isn't it?" he demanded to know. "You want to me to tell you that my life is screwed up and nothing is ever going to be good again because Trish is gone, well it ain't going to happen."

"I don't want that. I just want to know why you left, and if you aren't going to tell me, then I wish you would at least tell Trish. You don't know what you've done to her. Everyone can see it and nobody can help her, but you can help her Christian. You can help her and at least hope that maybe she'll move on, or at the very least understand why you did what you did."

"It was too fast, too serious," he said quietly.

"Pardon?" she said, not quite hearing what he had to say.

"Trish and I, it was just…it was too much, I was too in love with her. I got scared and I ran, just like you said. I ran because I didn't know how to face my feelings for her. You don't understand what it's like to love someone so much Steph. I know you love your guy, but it's different with me and Trish, it's so intense, you and Chris, you're all settled in, like Hunter is settling in, but Trish and I were always turbulent. It scared me that I needed her so much and I was scared she didn't need me the same way."

"So you ran away?" she said, putting her hand on his knee.

"That's no way to solve your problems," Christian said. "But it sure solved mine. So you're expecting another kid?"

"Oh no you don't," Stephanie said, shaking her finger at him, "no, you don't get to do this. You don't get to change the subject. Trish is with John now, but it's plain as day that she still feels something for you. I think if you both want to move on, together or apart, you need to talk to her."

"Let me ask you this? And I pretty much know the answer, but still, when you told her I was coming, she freaked out didn't she? She couldn't handle it and she freaked, am I right?"

"You're right," Stephanie answered softly. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk. Look at the two of you, you don't look so hot yourself."

"I'm doing okay," Christian protested.

"Yeah, right, and I'm the freaking Queen of England. All I'm saying is tonight is a perfect opportunity to clear the air with the both of you and I think you owe it to yourselves to at least talk this out so that the both of you can move on."

"You sure are full of wisdom aren't you?"

"What can I say?" Stephanie shrugged, then patted his shoulder. "Just think about it Christian. Think about Trish and what she deserves. What she deserves is an honest explanation from you. And John deserves that too, he's a good guy Christian, he treats her really well and he loves her, even if he doesn't come right out and say it. But you're holding her back, and if you want what's best for her, you'll help her."

"I'll try Steph, really I will," he said sincerely.

The only problem was…he wasn't sure if he wanted her to move on.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Heh, hoped you liked my little reveal last chapter my faithful readers. ;)

* * *

Trish walked nervously into the ballroom. It was beautiful and it hurt to look at it. She didn't feel beautiful at the moment even though John had told her at least five times that she looked fabulous and that they were sure to upstage the couple of honor tonight. But deep down inside, she felt anything but beautiful. She felt mediocre, she felt pathetic, she felt like nothing would ever be normal again. 

The colors were simple, a pale blue and a wonderfully shiny silver. The room almost glowed while the lights were dimmed to create an intimate feel. Along one wall was a long line of tables that held pictures of the couple and she smiled as she could see a few from here. Every table had little gift bags sitting on the plates along with name plates. Trish imagined that Stephanie had put her and Christian as far away as possible. It was a sit down dinner, but cocktails were being served first at the bar and a couple of waiters were walking around with trays laden with champagne flutes.

"I wonder how much this set them back?" John whispered in her ear.

"I don't think Hunter cares," Trish said. "I think he just wants her to love it. I like that he wanted this all for her. It just…it's nice, you know."

"Yeah, it really is nice in here," John admired. "Not exactly my type of scene though."

"Johnny, nobody wants to have a party in some parking lot somewhere with tricked out cars and stuff," Trish joked.

"I didn't say that was the ideal type of place," he said, trying to act indignant.

She laughed softly and held his hand tightly. She let herself be lead around by him, and was content to listen to him mingle with their friends. He handed her a glass of champagne at some point and she took a sip, reveling in the bubbly fluid sliding down her throat and making the colors shine a little bit brighter around her. She resisted the urge to look around, to look for Christian. She had to or risk losing her sanity.

People were still milling in and the couple of the night weren't set to arrive for another twenty minutes so they could make their grand entrance in front of everyone. It was all so regal, but had a laid-back tone to it. Trish leaned her head against John's arm, getting lost in the dreaminess of the entire night. She wanted to get lost in John because he would make her forget.

"Let's get this party started!" Chris sang as he entered the elegantly decorated ballroom. "Wow, this place looks great."

"I know," Stephanie said as she hung off his arm. "I did a good job if I do say so myself."

"I never doubted you," Chris said, looking at her. "Hey, can I tell you something?"

"What?" she asked coyly. "Going to tell me how gorgeous I look?"

"You know I think that already."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm sorry you never got an engagement party."

She smiled and her eyes crinkled a little bit at the edges. She loved that this man could still say things that made her melt. She shook her head and tipped her head up to kiss him softly. "I didn't need one."

"Hey Steph," John said, walking over with Trish in tow. "You did good, I'm impressed."

"My woman is awesome," Chris said, pulling Stephanie tighter against him. "It's why I love her."

"Well, I love you too," Stephanie said sweetly, "but I've got to check on some last minute details with the caterers and make sure that when Hunter gets here, the whole thing is a surprise for you-know-who."

"Leaving me already, I can't even show off my trophy wife," Chris said, scoffing.

Stephanie shook her head in disgust. "Shut up Chris, Hunter entrusted me to run this whole event and I'm going to make sure it's wonderful. I'll see you later though, love you." She quickly kissed him and then scurried off to parts unknown.

"So…you guys liking the party so far?" Chris asked as he looked keenly at Trish. Trish gave him a brave smile that reassured him a little.

"Yeah," Trish said quickly, the first thing she had said in a while. "Right Johnny?"

"Yeah, it's nice, like I told Steph, she really outdid herself. I didn't know your old lady had it in her?"

"She busts out a surprise every now and then, and don't tell anyone, but she let me help a lot of the time. Best man duties and everything, apparently that means that I have to take on some extra responsibility or something. As if trying to calm down Hunter isn't enough."

"Can I talk to Chris for a second?" Trish asked John. "Then we can go show off some more."

"Sure, I get it, one of the bridesmaids and the best man have to discuss the couple. I get it, don't worry about it, but don't you go stealing my woman now," John said, planting a kiss on Trish's cheek.

"Dude, I've got a wife and two kids, if I left with Trish, I'd be hunted down and killed," Chris chuckled, leading Trish away by placing his hand on the small of her back. "So hey…"

"Hey," Trish said back. She looked around the room. "So…is he here?"

"He's waiting outside, he's afraid to come in here."

"Because of me," she said pitifully.

"Not because of you, because of him," Chris said. "Look Trish, I know that Stephanie lectured Christian today, and I know that she lectured you too, but I'm going to lay it all out there for you. You NEED to talk to Christian. You need to speak with him and you need to settle whatever this is between you. Nobody in this situation is going to be okay if you do."

"What do I do Chris?" Trish begged him to answer.

"I've never been in this situation Trish," Chris said sympathetically. "Stephanie's the only woman I've ever loved so I don't even know. If I did Trish, I'd tell you, you know I would. I can say that John is a really good guy and he like would probably have your babies if you could."

"I know he's a good guy," Trish sighed. "I'll talk to Christian, I need to."

"You do," he said, hugging her, "good luck okay."

"Thanks," Trish said. She watched Chris walk away and she looked around, hoping she would spot John, but she didn't see him anywhere. She sighed. She wasn't in the mood for small talk with anyone and if John was next to her, he could do all the talking and she could just be the one standing there looking pretty and drinking. She closed her eyes a moment, hearing the soft music playing and drowning out all the sounds of the people around her.

It was a few moments later she felt John's familiar arms wrapping around her waist from behind and begin to softly sway to the music. She let her body go, just letting him control her movements. She sighed against him, feeling his hard body cradling hers. She didn't even know if they were on the dance floor or just in the middle of a crowd, but she didn't care at the moment. The combination of the music and John was enough for her.

Christian finally mustered up the courage to walk into the ballroom where the party was being held. He looked around, wondering if he should just walk back out again, but Hunter had invited him, and it would be rude not to even congratulate the engaged couple. He gulped and grabbed the nearest flute of champagne, practically chugging it down before finding a place to set the empty glass.

It was then that he saw her. She was standing there, eyes closed, a blessed out look on her face as she swayed to the music. That wasn't all though, John Cena was behind her, arms wrapped tightly around her waist and his chin resting on her shoulder. They were dancing together and looked so happy that he wished he had a whole bottle of wine. He was rooted to his spot though, he couldn't take his eyes off of them for one second. It was breaking his heart.

"Hey Christian."

Christian looked over his shoulder. "Lita."

"Don't beat yourself up over that," Lita warned. "You know she couldn't stay yours forever if you left."

"I know," Christian said. "Where's my brother?"

"Around," Lita said, gesturing to her surroundings. "I don't know exactly, but you looked like you needed to be around someone and not standing there like a statue."

"She's over me isn't she?" Christian said.

"No," Lita said softly. "She's not. She's hurting Christian. We all see it. She tries to hide it, but we all know Trish can't hide some things."

"Yeah," Christian said with a gulp. "I should go talk to her."

"Who gave you that advice? Steph?"

"You know her," Christian chuckled.

Lita looped her arm through Christian's. "Before you go and do any talking, why don't you come around and say hi to everyone, we've all missed you, and I need an escort since your brother ditched me."

"I hardly think he ditched you," Christian said as he grabbed another wine. He knew he was going to be needing a few of those. They walked over to where Stephanie was talking to Dave Batista.

"Stephanie McMahon, what the hell is that in your hand?" Lita said, looking pointedly at the champagne glass in her friend's hand.

"Sparkling cider," Stephanie said, sticking her tongue out and shoving the glass at Lita, who took a sniff and satisfied gave her a smile. "You're worse than Chris, I swear. So how are you guys liking the party?"

"You did good Steph," Dave said. "So stop fishing for compliments."

"I'm not fishing," she teased, nudging Dave in the side. "I'm just saying."

"She's totally fishing," Chris said over Stephanie's shoulder before Stephanie elbowed him in the stomach and she followed him away. Dave turned to Lita and Christian and smiled at the blond man.

"Christian, nice to see you man," Dave said, shaking his hand. "Long time no see."

"I know, how've you been?" Christian asked.

"Good…good…so um…has everyone seen you?" Dave asked tentatively.

"No, uh…no," Christian said. Did everyone think that this thing between him and Trish was so serious? Was it? Oh hell, who was he kidding, of course it was serious. He had practically left without a word to her, a quick goodbye. Did he really expect that to suffice? No, and everyone knew that it hadn't.

"He knows," Lita said simply. "He knows what he has to do."

"Good," Dave said. "Not to put the pressure or anything on you man, but you know."

"No, I get it," Christian said. "I will talk to her, don't worry."

"We're gonna go see some other people," Lita said, walking away with Christian. "Sorrya bout that, people just…well, we all know."

"She's that bad?"

"No, but you can tell, she zones out a lot. Someone, man, who was it? Um…oh yeah, Rob, he saw her walk straight into a wall one time she was so zoned out. That's how bad it can get Christian."

"Wow, I had no idea."

"No, you didn't. And I'm not trying to condemn you or anything, but things have changed around here and Trish is upset and you have to fix it so she can move on and so you can move on, or it's just never going to happen for either of you and that'd be just sad."

"Everyone!" Stephanie's voice came from the front of the room where a small stage was set up. Everyone quieted down. "I just got the phone call from Hunter and the happy couple is coming down, so you all know what to do I hope, does everyone know what to do?"

"What my lovely wife is trying to say is shut the hell up so you don't ruin the surprise," Chris said, hopping up on the stage.

"Shut up," Stephanie told him, pushing him away. "Okay, well, if you all know how this is going to go, then well, do what Chris says and be quiet."

Chris hopped back off the stage and helped Stephanie off the stage as well before everyone became silent. Trish finally opened her eyes as the music stopped. She looked to her side and studied John's profile for a moment. She smiled and leaned the little ways to kiss his cheek. He smiled at her and then turned to face the door. It was then her eyes settled on Christian and as she felt John tense, she knew that he had seen him too.

"What the hell is he doing here?" John said.

"Johnny, shh," Trish whispered. "Hunter invited him, they're friends, that's it."

"Wait, you KNEW about this?" he asked her, and she felt his arms leave her waist. "You knew he was going to be here."

"Yeah…I was warned, that's it, I didn't like invite him or anything, I just knew he was going to be here," she said, leading him to a more secluded area.

"How could you not tell me?"

"It doesn't matter John, he's here, so what, I'm here with you," she told him seriously. "Not with him. I've been here with you."

He took a calming breath. "Yeah, you have. But why did he have to come?"

"Johnny, it's not his fault, Hunter is his friend, we can't control that," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist. She had expected him to be more upset, but she could tell that he was holding it in because of her and because of the people around them, and because of the engaged couple who were supposed to be coming in a few minutes.

"Are you going to talk to him?" John asked quietly, almost painfully.

"I don't know," she answered, and truthfully, she didn't. She could say she was going to all she wanted, but saying and doing were totally different things. She knew she should, but the actual act of talking would be the most difficult.

"Maybe you should," he said and she looked startled by the revelation. "Look babe, we both know that sometimes, you're just not happy, and we both know it has to do with him. So you know what, go talk to him."

"But Johnny…"

"You aren't here with me all the time babe, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I deserve a little better than that."

"You do," she agreed, "and I'm so sorry that I can't give that to you right now."

"We ain't breaking up," he told her, cupping her face in his hands.

She put her hands over his and kissed him softly. "No, we…ain't."

"Don't you go talking like me now," John told her. "I like the way you talk and I don't need another wiseass like me around here."

"I'm scared."

"Don't be scared, he should be scared."

"Why's that?"

"He's the one that left ain't he?"

She couldn't argue with that.


	7. Chapter 7

"Surprise!"

Everyone started clapping as Hunter led his future bride into the room. She gasped as she looked around the room. Hunter wrapped his arm around her waist and smiled. Stephanie and Chris were in the forefront, clapping, as Stephanie had a huge grin, delighting in the girl's face. Her mouth was wide open as she took in everything.

"Hunter, what did you do?" she asked.

"Stephanie helped me plan you an engagement party, I want everyone to see the girl I'm marrying," Hunter told her softly.

"You ass, you kept this from me," she joked, hugging him around the waist. "I can't believe you did this for me. And everyone knew, how did they all keep it a secret?"

"Look at me, I threatened them," Hunter joked.

She laughed and looked at the back wall, "What's that?"

"Pictures…of us," Hunter told her. "We'll look at them later…I think everyone wants you to say a few words." He gestured towards the small stage.

"Oh, I couldn't."

"Sure you could, come on, this is all for you anyways," he said, leading her over. She looked at the stage where a large banner was hanging. She wiped at her damp eyes and sniffled a little bit. She walked up the stage, still sniffling a little bit, under the banner that said:

_Congratulations Hunter and Ashley!_

"Okay, I don't know why my fiancé would do this and embarrass me," Ashley said tearfully, "I mean, he could've at least waited until my emotions evened out, but wow, this is…I didn't expect this at all, and to think that everyone knew about it. Some of you are going to get a punch in the face for this, you know who you are…but thank you so much. Hunter, I love you, thank you so much, and Stephanie apparently you planned this out, so thank you, it's really lovely in here, and thanks to everyone for coming…this sounds really lame, but I don't know what to say!" she said blushing. "Is this like a dinner or something?"

Hunter nodded, "Yeah."

"Oh, well then stay for the food," she laughed as she hurriedly got off stage. Hunter laughed and looked around.

"Every table has a name-card, so find yours and sit since dinner is like coming soon," Hunter said. "Then after that, we have some toasts and then you know, party time."

Trish gazed at the happy couple before John led her to their table, which he had found earlier. It was near the front since she was one of the bridesmaids. Stephanie and Chris were one of the other couples, since Chris was the best man and the other couple was one of Hunter's childhood friends and his wife, who seemed to know Stephanie pretty well, probably because Chris was best friends with Hunter and Stephanie had grown up in Greenwich too so they knew a lot of the same people.

Trish looked at John for a moment as he greeted Stephanie and Chris. She wondered what was going on in his head. She knew that the appearance of Christian was unsettling to him as well. She said hello to Chris and Stephanie too before they entered a discussion with the other couple at the table. She looked at John and he didn't look back at her. He was staring off into space it seemed, but he had that look of concentration on his face where she knew he was deep in thought.

She wrapped her arms around his left arm and leaned her chin on his shoulder. "Hey."

"Hi," he said shortly, grabbing his champagne glass to get another swig. "I wish the waiters would come by to get drink orders already, I need something a little stronger than this pansy-ass champagne."

She giggled breathily. "They'll be by soon, be patient."

"It's hard," he told her.

"Johnny, I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Trish whispered to him. "I should've told you."

"Yeah, you shoulda, but what are we going to do about it now?" John told her. "There's no way to just change it back so we just gotta forget about it."

"But you obviously haven't," she hissed.

"Let it go," John said, turning away from him. She sighed a little as he turned away from her again. He was so tense and as she just lay her chin there, studying his profile, she knew that she had made a mistake in not telling him. He probably already thought that she was distant and then to keep this a secret, it didn't bode well for his trust in her. She wanted John to trust her because she trusted him so much.

She let her gaze fall across the room where Lita and Edge were sitting at the same table as Christian. She didn't let her eyes go to Christian though, but she just wanted to observe the others around him. Lita and Edge were laughing about something as Lita slapped Edge lightly in the arm. She let her gaze fall back to her own table, where Chris and Stephanie were flirting about something. She rolled her eyes at him, and went to turn away when his lips caught her mouth in a loving kiss.

"Johnny?"

"What?" he asked.

"Are you going to act like this the entire evening?"

"I'm not acting like anything."

"Yes you are. You're mad at me," Trish said sadly. "Johnny, I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would get angry with me and I didn't want you to get angry with me. I was trying to protect you."

"Trish, this isn't the place to be talking about this okay?"

"Johnny, please," she whispered.

While Trish and John were speaking, Christian had his chin in his hand, watching the two of them. He was jealous, that much he knew. He had seen Trish embrace John's arm with hers and lean her gorgeous chin on his shoulder and he would give anything to be John right now. John looked a little pissed off though, and he briefly wondered if it had anything to do with him. Trish was looking so pretty tonight, and he remembered the times when she would look pretty just for him. The waiter came around to get drink orders and he was glad for the distraction of alcohol into his system.

"That should loosen you up bro," Edge said with a pat to the shoulder.

"Christian, you've got to stop looking at her," Lita said gently to her boyfriend's brother. "It's not going to make your life any easier."

"So? It's not exactly easy now is it?" Christian told her sarcastically.

"No, but whose fault is that?" Edge interjected. "You're the one who left her, you can't fault her for moving on. And John sure did jump in quick."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"You were barely out the door when he was swooping in playing the hero," Edge informed him.

"So you're saying he's just a rebound?" Christian asked hopefully.

"At first, I think that's what everyone thought," Lita said, glancing over at them. "But he really does make her happy, and sometimes, I think that he makes her forget about you. I know you hate hearing that Christian, and no, she's not completely the same, but he does help her, and he's there for her."

"So you're saying I have no chance?"

"You mean, you actually want to try and get her back?" Edge asked incredulously. "Seriously?"

"I was thinking that maybe it was worth the shot. Everyone keeps telling me she's not the same without me, that she misses me, that I did something to her, but she's actually happy with this John guy."

"He's not 'this John guy,' you know him Christian," Lita responded.

"So really, everyone just wants me to talk to her so that she can get over me?" Christian asked, starting to get a little upset and pouty. "You just want me to talk to her so that she won't be zoned out."

"Christian, understand that we all love you, but come on, don't you think Trish deserves to move on if she wants to move on. You can't just play with her emotions like that."

"I wasn't going to, not this time," he sulked as he sat back in his chair and went back to staring at Trish and John.

Trish could feel Christian's eyes on her. They had this connection that was strange and couldn't just be broken. She knew that he was watching her, watching her with John, but she didn't dare look in his direction. She just scooted her chair over so she could hang off of John's shoulders and wait for the food to be served. Drinks had been coming around and she watched as her martini was placed in front of her. She took it and took a long sip, letting the hard alcohol slip down her throat. There was something very comforting about that first sip.

"What I wouldn't give to get my hands on what you're drinking Trish," Stephanie said as she took a sip of her iced tea.

Trish looked over at her friend and smiled a little bit, "Sorry Steph, not going to happen."

"But alcohol is really the only way that I can deal with this guy," she said, throwing her thumb over at Chris.

"I resent that," Chris said with a laugh. "Trish, you're giving a speech right?"

"Yeah, I'm giving a speech," Trish said. "Are we doing those after dinner?"

"Yeah, those are after dinner," Stephanie told her. "I hope it's good because I'm cringing about what Chris is going to say in his."

"Don't worry, it'll be great, not as good as the one I'm giving at the wedding, but it'll be great."

"Yeah, and I was a virgin when you met me," Stephanie said with an eye-roll.

"Honey, don't make laugh, we both know that you couldn't keep your legs shut before you met me, hell, I don't think you do now either, I think I might have to find out if I'm the father of our children."

Stephanie laughed and eased herself into Chris's side. Trish liked the ease at which they could talk. That's what she had with Christian, and it's what she wanted with John. If she could just get past Christian, then maybe she would have a real future with John. Maybe she could have everything that she wanted and craved, and maybe it was all in front of her.

"Excuse me," John said before getting up, Trish almost collapsing on his chair as she had been leaning on his body. She looked to Chris and Stephanie, who looked confused before she got up and followed him out of the ballroom. He was standing there, hands in pockets, staring down at the ground and seemingly taking some deep breaths. Trish walked over to him and placed her right hand on his back and the left one on his stomach.

"Is everything okay Johnny?" Trish said softly. "Are you sick? Do you feel nauseous or something?"

"No, I just couldn't be around anyone right now."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong! What's wrong is that my girlfriend failed to let me know that her ex-boyfriend, who she still LOVES was going to be here tonight."

"What? I don't still love Christian," Trish protested weakly.

"Oh come on Trish, you know I care about you babe, but let's not fool ourselves into thinking you're completely over him. You can treat me with respect and at least tell the truth okay? I know about it all, the zoning out, the constant thinking, I know!"

Trish took a step back, "I never have been that great an actress."

"I took in stride, I did, because you were slowly but surely coming out of it. But then here he is tonight, and you're going to go backwards Trish, we're going to go backwards, and I'm tired of pretending this doesn't hurt me!"

"I know it hurts you," Trish said sadly. "Why do you think I never told you, I was so scared you'd leave and I don't want you to leave, John."

"Trish, I'm not the same guy around you that I am around anyone else and I like that, I can't leave you if I tried, I don't know though, this is really not fun for me."

"I know, I know," she repeated as she clung to herself. "I'm sorry Johnny, I'm sorry for the way I've acted towards you. I thought that I was being considerate, but I wasn't, I was just hurting you more. I'll be better, I promise. Please, just come inside with me and let's try to be happy for our friends. Hunter and Ashley deserve that at least, don't you think?"

"Yeah, they do," he nodded.

"Please come back inside." She held out her hand to him and he looked at it for a moment. He looked like he was contemplating. He looked up into her brown eyes and sighed at her face. He didn't like seeing her like this. He cared so much about her.

He took her hand, and with it, gave her his trust.


	8. Chapter 8

Trish sat there with her chin in her hands. She was going to have to give her speech in a minute or two, but she honestly didn't want to. She could tell that John was still upset over what had happened earlier. He had definitely been better, but he was still hurting and she could see that plainly written all over his face. Whenever she would touch him, he seemed to shrink back from her touch, and it bothered her that this was so. She didn't want him to think that she wasn't there with him completely, even though maybe she wasn't. She wanted him to trust her. She would talk to Christian, she knew that.

"Trish, you want to go," Chris whispered to her, and she looked at him hazily.

"What?" she asked.

"Speech, your turn, then I can go," Chris said impatiently.

"Oh…OH," she said, clinking her glass and standing up. She had prepared a few words, nothing special, but now she didn't really feel like saying them. Her own life was in such an uproar she didn't know if she had it within her to be happy for another couple.

She looked to Hunter and Ashley, who were sitting at the head table looking insanely happy. Ashley had somehow migrated to Hunter's lap and she was sitting atop her perch, looking out over everyone. Hunter was whispering something to her and she ducked her head to listen, her blonde hair falling around him as she smiled and turned to kiss him softly. They looked so happy to be there, and Ashley had been so surprised. She was jealous that they were ecstatic and together and that things had worked out for them. They deserved all their happiness, and she wanted to tell them.

Then she looked down to where Chris and Stephanie were sitting. Chris had his arm wrapped loosely around Stephanie's waist, his hand gently going up and down on her stomach. Stephanie had just found out about a month ago that she was pregnant with their second child. She was entering her third month and just starting to get a little bit of a belly. She and Chris were excited to have another child, but they would never show it in a conventional way. She remembered when Chris and Steph had announced their new baby to their group of friends, including her; it involved Chris saying she was knocked up and that whoever had done the knocking was a demi-god.

After their three years of marriage, they were still the same. Even after Stephanie had had Devin, they were still the same. She envied that. She envied every relationship she saw because they seemed to be more stable than anything she was in, currently or in the past. She wanted that stability and she knew she would never have it until she gave herself in fully to either Christian or John. And at this point, she didn't know what to do. So instead, she raised her glass and clinked on it with her knife.

"Okay everyone," she said with a smile, a forced one, but nonetheless a smile. "We've all been waiting weeks for this party…some more than others…Steph…"

"Shut up," Stephanie said loudly, but jokingly.

"Sorry Steph, it's true, but anyways. I've wanted to congratulate you guys properly, and now I'm doing so," Trish said. "If you had told me a while ago that Ashley Massaro and Hunter Hearst Helmsley would be perfect for each other, I'd have asked you what you were smoking, seriously. You two are nothing alike, and yet, you two are perfect together. Ash, you're the only girl in the world who could make anyone see the softer side of Hunter…we just always thought there wasn't one, but you found it. You guys are perfect for each other, and you're going to continue to be perfect for each other as you barrel into marriage and all the adventures that lie ahead of you, congratulations you guys."

Everyone cheered and drank from their glasses as Trish sat down. That had gone better than she had expected. John sent her a little smile, the first one she had gotten in a while. She sent him a tentative smile back, hoping that he wasn't mad at her anymore. He took her hand in his and gave a kiss to her palm and she gazed at him, enraptured by the sight in front of him. He totally just had her in that moment, and it was moments like this that convinced her that John might be the one in the end.

"Okay, okay, my turn," Chris said, interrupting Trish's thoughts. "I met my wife a long…oh wait, wrong speech. Never-mind. Anyways, Hunter's my best friend, I know, I know, sounds weird, sounds crazy since I'm so handsome and he's so ugly, but whatever, we're friends. I never thought anyone would put up with the guy, I mean, seriously, have you met him? He's antagonistic, he's bossy, he's a lot of bad adjectives. Like earlier, my son wanted to talk to me, and what happens? Hunter snatched the phone right out from under me, I mean, this is the guy you want to marry Ashley?"

"Dude, don't talk her out of it!" Hunter shouted.

"Oh sorry, I was saving that speech for right before she walks down the altar, Steph was going to recite it to Ashley for me, and everything. This is the engagement speech. Okay, I can do that one too. Well, when I first went out on a double date with Hunter and Ashley, it was…surreal, for the first time since I've ever gone on a date with Hunter…wait, that really sounds wrong dude. Okay, I've been on double dates with Hunter and his own date, and he would always end up more interested in me and Steph than his date, which didn't bode well for me when I wanted to score with my wife. It's not fun when you have a 260 pound man trying to get his way into your hotel room so he won't be alone at night. It's a wonder that I have any kids because I had to baby-sit Hunter for so long. Luckily for me and my sex life, Hunter did find someone by the name of Ashley. Ashley rocks and Hunter knows it, and I thank Ashley everyday for taking him the hell off my hands so I could nail my wife. So thank you Ashley, you saved my sex life, oh and congratulations to you and Hunter, may you never have some single friend latch onto you."

"You're an asshole!" Hunter yelled at him.

"I know, but I'm still the best man," Chris called back as he took a sip of his champagne and sat back down. The music started to play up right then, signaling that the party was really starting now that the dinner was over. Stephanie took one last sip of her apple cider before Chris was nuzzling his nose against her.

"Are you drunk?"

"Nope," Chris told her and he wasn't. "I feel bad that you can't drink so I'm not going to let myself get drunk. Besides, this way I can assure myself I don't end up in someone else's bed, like some hot woman."

"Didn't you end up crashing on Edge's bed last time you got drunk?" Stephanie asked. "Wow, that's a real hot woman right there."

"I hate your stinking guts, minus the baby inside of you, I like that part," he said impishly then nodded his head. "You want to dance?"

"I most certainly do," Stephanie said, letting him pull her up as she sent a smile to Trish, who sat there, looking almost desolate in a way. She looked to John who was sitting kind of hunched over, still drinking his drink and staring around the room. Trish sighed and ran her hand through her hair as she leaned her chin on his shoulder.

"Not having a good time?"

"I've been to better parties," he told her shortly. "This ain't really my style."

"I know," she said. "We can go if you want, I said my speech. We can just go upstairs, maybe watch a movie or just lay down and go to sleep. Whatever you want."

"No, that's not what I want to do," he told her shortly and she sighed again.

"Okay, if that's not what you want to do," she told him. She looked around the room. Most everyone was dancing now, or talking, or generally having fun. Edge and Lita were almost dirty dancing right on the floor and she wanted to go tell her friend to get a room. But that was Lita and Edge, they were always pushing the limits of good taste.

Trish could see Maria and Carlito dancing too, a little more appropriately, which was a given seeing as how they weren't even together, just friends. Then she saw Ashley and Hunter, slow dancing to a fast song, lost in their own little world, their foreheads touching as they had some silent conversation. They looked so adorable she wanted to take a picture of them right now and give it to them so they could preserve the moment.

"Is there anything you want to do?" Trish asked him.

"No, there's nothing that I want to do," he said.

"Can we dance?" she asked, wanting and needing to do something.

"You want to?"

"I'd like that, yeah."

He shrugged and got out of his seat, offering her his hand. She took it and smiled, letting her help her up. She stood and followed him out to the dance floor, where a new song was starting up, decidedly slower than the one before. She saw most of the couples on the dance floor take that small step towards each other and she wrapped her own arms around John's strong neck. He pulled her closer and she fell willingly against his solid body, which was warm and inviting. She liked being pressed against him as she closed her eyes and let herself float away with the music.

She felt John's fingers running softly through her hair and she knew she could stay like this forever. She wanted to stay like this forever because she felt like she was floating above everything. Her problems flew out the window and flew through the stars, far away from her. Her heart ached a little less and her pain lessened slowly, but surely. She didn't hurt when she was like this, the words became almost visions, real things and she liked that feeling.

The moment ended when the song ended and she looked up at John as it did. He was staring down at her, and she wondered if he had been staring down at her the entire time. She leaned up to kiss him, to just feel him. But when she touched her lips to his, he pulled back hesitantly, and she frowned, realizing he didn't want the contact. She sighed and pulled away, letting him wander off; she needed a breath of fresh air anyways. She looked around and saw that there were doors leading off to a balcony and decided that was the best plan of escape.

She walked outside and into the cool, fresh night air. She took a deep breath and looked up at the stars. "Trish?"

Trish turned to her side and saw Chris and Steph sitting out there, Stephanie in Chris's lap. "Oh hey guys, was I interrupting something?"

"No, I just got a wave of nausea," Stephanie said. "It got a little hot in there, couple that with morning sickness, and you've got yourself one sick woman."

"That's too bad," she said, sitting on the chair next to them. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, I am, no thanks to the ass over here who said it would be cool if I puked over the balcony and see if I hit anything."

"I thought it'd be funny," Chris said. "So what brings you out here Trish?"

"John's mad at me, and I have to talk to Christian, it's like a grab bag of fun for me."

"I'm sorry you're going through this," Chris told her. "I wish that I could like, make it easier for you, I would do it if I could you know."

"I know, and I appreciate that," Trish replied. "But it's my burden to carry. I just need answers, I need the answers and he has them, but then I'm afraid of what those answers are. I need to speak to him though."

"Well, it seems that wishes do come true," Stephanie said as she looked up.

Trish turned and literally gasped as Christian was right there. Her heart pounded and her eyes widened in surprise. She tried to maintain some sense of composure, but she was having a difficult time. She didn't notice she was shaking, but she did notice that Stephanie's hand shot out to take hers and gave it a comforting squeeze. Christian looked down at her, a mixture of emotions, none of them decipherable. She sat there, staring and he stood there, staring back.

"Hi," Christian said finally.

Trish let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in, but she hoped she hadn't suffocated and now she was in a dream, "Hi."

"I was wondering if you would…um…want to dance?" he asked her, ending his question quietly as if his words had died out with the breath from his lungs.

"Yes," she said, almost too eager and she pulled away from Stephanie as she stood and let Christian take her hand. She didn't know if she was floating or walking, but somehow she made it back into the ballroom as the tables seemed to part for her to the dance floor. They reached it in record time and then she was in his arms again, they were dancing. It was incredibly awkward and incredibly stilted, and she couldn't even look him in the eyes, but it didn't matter. What mattered was Christian was there, they were dancing. All eyes could've been on them (they were), but she wouldn't have noticed. This was everything she had thought she wanted, or maybe nothing that she wanted.

She was floating again, she realized, that feeling was back and she couldn't escape it. She didn't fall against Christian's body, or listen to his heartbeat or know that he was looking down at her. And yet, she was still above the stars and above everything, and she was floating, her feet never touching the ground. Then she felt him lean down to her and his breath was so warm, like a summer breeze on her skin, but it still sent goosebumps all up and down her arms. Was he going to kiss her? Take her right there?

"We need to talk."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys, and if you like my stories and want to read a story co-written by myself and the fantastic author Carolina, or jetderk1462, then go to my profile and find the story, "Playing with Fire." Enjoy this chapter. :)

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Trish found herself out on the same balcony that Christian had first come onto to see her. She was chilled even though it wasn't that cold. But when you're faced with perhaps the biggest conversation, the biggest moment of your life, things change, you change. She was changing as she sat down on the bench. Christian closed the doors behind them to give them a little privacy, but she could imagine the entire party with their ears up to the glass. She looked down at the cobblestone balcony in front of her.

"I know we have a lot to talk about."

Trish scoffed, "That's a laugh."

"What's a laugh?"

"The fact that you just said that so nonchalantly," Trish said. "I think I deserve a little more respect than I've been getting from you, which is nothing, there has been no respect on your part. None."

"I know that Trish, and I'm sorry for that."

"And do you think that sorry is going to make up for everything? Do you think that makes up for everything that you did? Do you think that even starts to make up for what you did?"

"No, I don't think it makes up for it at all," Christian said with a deep sigh, like it went down to his very soul. "Look, I know that sorry is not going to do a whole lot of good right now, or maybe ever, but I'm throwing it out there nonetheless."

"Well that's nice," she said sarcastically. "You're so special because it's out there."

"Trish, please, I just want to talk to you, after this is over, you can go back to hating me or whatever."

"I never hated you," she told him, and gave a sad laugh, one that was full of self-loathing. "I never, not once since you've left, hated you. That's just so sad isn't it? I'm _so _sad, and pathetic."

Christian sat down next to her. It wasn't even close to her, but it was close enough to feel her presence next to him. She wanted to shrink away from him, but kept her ground. She wasn't going to look weak, he would like that, or maybe he wouldn't. Her thoughts were so jumbled at the moment and she couldn't catch any of them.

"You're not pathetic," he told her, and she wanted to believe him, but why should she believe anything that he said? He had given her no reason to trust him. She had trusted him with her heart once, and he had in turn, crushed it until it was now, crumbled, pieced together haphazardly.

"I _am _pathetic," she said. "Look at me! Look at me really hard Christian! Here I am, with a great guy, a guy who probably loves me and is too goddamned afraid to tell me, who treats me like I'm everything. Do you know how good it _should_ feel to be someone's everything? Do you? IT should feel like the most amazing feeling in the world, so why can't I feel it!"

"Trish…"

"No, shut up," she said, standing up, her eyes glossy with tears as she leaned on the balcony. She wanted to sob, no, more than that, she wanted to scream out into the sky. She wanted to be engulfed by the darkness of the sky until she was among the stars, burned and without feeling. She wanted to float lifelessly in the vast expanse of nothingness.

"You shut up," Trish told him again. "You don't even know Christian. You don't even know what I've been through. You can't even begin to know everything that I've been through since you've left. I've been in the fucking hospital, did you know that!"

Christian's eyes widened. "What?"

"I didn't eat for five days," she said, almost nostalgically. "Five days…I stayed in my room and cried, and didn't eat, and barely drank anything. I stayed curled up in a ball…Edge found me…took me to the hospital, I was suffering from exhaustion and dehydration…a double whammy."

"Trish, I had no--"

"Of course you had no idea, you left!" she yelled, her back still turned to him. "You wouldn't know because you weren't there, you left me, and I seriously felt like rotting away. Do you know how that feels, to just give up? I just gave up, and it weren't for my friends, and Johnny, I wouldn't be here!"

"I heard you were dating John," Christian said, "earlier, Stephanie told me."

"Thanks to her for that," Trish said to herself, "saves me a lot of trouble. Yeah, I'm with John, I'm with John and he tries to take everything away for me, and he still can't. He can't because heaven help me, I'm not over you Christian. I'm not even close to being over you."

"I'm not over you either."

"Don't say that!" she told him, her tears becoming dangerously closer to falling. "Don't say things like that, you're not allowed to say things like that."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not, I'm not going to lie to you, I'm done with lying to you," Christian said. "And I'm done with hurting you. That's what this is Trish, I'm trying to stop it all. I'm trying to end the cycle. If you want to move on after we have this discussion, then that's your choice. It's up to you."

"Why? So you can take the pressure off of yourself _again_?" she inquired bitterly. "So you can leave it up to me to feel the guilt? Is that what all this is Christian? Are you trying to clear your conscience?"

"Trish, listen to me, it was hard for me too. It was hard for me to leave you and it was hard for me to stay away. Do you know how many times I wanted to come back? Do you know?"

"But you never did!" she countered. "You had all the time in the world Christian, you had all the time in the world. You had every single day, you had twenty four hours in those days, and not once, not for one single second did you come back!"

"Do you really think that! Huh, is that what you really think that I just completely cut ties with you! I drove past your house at least fifty times, hoping that I'd gain enough courage to stop! I couldn't though, because I knew that you were hurt, I knew that seeing me would break you. I wanted you to be happy, I was willing to accept being miserable if you were happy."

"Did it ever occur to you that the only way I was going to be happy was with you!" she yelled. "Goddammit Christian, you were the reason I was happy, you made every, single fucking day better because you were there, do you not get that!"

"I didn't know," he said remorsefully. "I loved you so hard Trish. It scared me…"

"Oh, so loving me is scary now," she said, starting to laugh to cover up the tears.

She wanted to cry right now, but she didn't want to do that in front of him. She was already so weak in front of him, she just wanted to hold onto this one thing a little while longer. It was suddenly chilly, and she felt like her skin was damp and she was shivering. She was probably shivering because she knew that she was laying her entire heart out on the line and with this conversation, she could be a broken woman forever.

"It was scary. I loved you so much and so deeply," Christian sighed, wondering how he could possibly phrase this so she would understand. "I'm not used to loving a lot of people in my life Trish. I love my mom and my grandma. My dad was never around. I love Edge because he's my brother. Other than that though, there wasn't much else. That's it Trish, in my entire life, I'd only ever loved three people and they were all family. Then you come along, and…you were beautiful and sexy, and sweet, and everything that any guy could hope for…"

"Thanks," she said sarcastically, "glad to know that's not enough for a guy to stick around."

"No, that's not it at all, what it is, is a guy afraid of commitment. I was afraid of the disappointment of losing you. So I left first."

"How cliché of you using the 'it's not you, it's me,' excuse. I never thought you'd be the one for that," Trish told him.

"Okay, so it is a little cliché, but it's not. I still love you Trish, I'll always love you, but the fear of losing you, of you eventually finding someone better was so great that I just fled. The fear was too strong…and now you have found someone better."

"Yeah, I have," she said softly. "He's great, John's great."

"I'm glad that you think so, and despite everything I say or feel, I am happy that you have someone. I am Trish."

"Then why am _I_ not happy?" she asked, finally turning to face him. "Why aren't I happy when everything seems to finally be going my way? And it wasn't just knowing you were going to be here tonight, it was before that, it's been that since you left. It's like happiness has disappeared from my life. I put on this front so my friends won't worry, but it's not working…they all know. Chris comes up to me and tells me John's a good guy, because he can see that I'm not happy. Lita tries to get me to see what a great catch I have, saying that she'd love to be with John, but she doesn't want to be, she just wants _me _to see how much I could love being with John. And it goes on and on and I'm starting to wonder why I don't see what's so great with him, and it's because of you."

"I don't want that for you Trish," Christian said, standing up and starting to go towards her.

"No," she said, holding her hand up. "Don't come any closer, you can't come any closer. You've broken me once Christian, I can't have you around to break me again so just keep your distance."

"Okay," he said, though he wanted more than anything to go over to her, but he owed her this much. "I won't come closer, but Trish, I'm sorry that I've done this to you. I never thought that it would end up this way."

"Well you should've," she said, and her voice held no malice or sarcasm, it was just a statement she knew to be true. He knew it was true as well, he should've known and he cursed himself for not knowing.

"I'm sure John is a good guy, and maybe if we let go, both of us, at the same time, then you can be happy with him. I'm here Trish, I'm here if you want to hit me, or tell me you hate me, or if you want to throw me off that balcony, I welcome you to do it."

"I don't want to do any of those things, I don't hate you, and I don't want to hit you. I just want this to be over. That's not too much to ask I think, I just want it to be over, for better or worse, just…over," she trailed off, her voice lowering to a whisper.

"Then it'll be over. Trish, I'll be out of your life forever, okay, and you be happy. I've put you through enough shit, and you deserve at least this. You deserve to be happy. Go be with John, be happy with him."

"You think it's that easy?"

"If you don't see me, if I tell you that it's over, we'll both let go Trish, I promise, we'll both let go."

"We're still hanging on aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are, and that's wrong on both our parts, I shouldn't lead you on, and you shouldn't be this way, pining or whatever you're doing," he told her. He just wanted her to be happy and have everything that she deserved, and if it wasn't him, then que sera sera, he'd just have to live with that. It would be hard, but hearing that he put her in the hospital, he could deal with anything so long as he never had to imagine that again.

"I don't know how…I don't…"

"What don't you know how to do?"

"I don't know how to let go," said she in a painful whisper. She closed her eyes as the tears threatened again to escape. And it was true, it was completely true. She had tried so many times to do the right thing, which was to let go, but she honestly didn't know how to do that. She didn't know how to let go of that thin shred of hope. She had clung to it for so long that to say goodbye to it now would seem so strange.

"You just try to get over me, like I'll try to get over you," he answered.

She opened her eyes and stared at him, her eyes linking with his. "I can't do it Christian."

"What can't you do?"

"I can't do it anymore," she told him, her tears spilling over now. She couldn't help it, and she couldn't stop them. They fell like waterfalls from her eyes to her cheeks until they slipped over her lips. The salty wetness almost shocked her, as she had become so numb she hadn't felt the tears. "I can't live without you. I can't pretend that I don't want you, I can't pretend like I can move on. I just can't."

"What are you saying Trish?"

"Christian, I can't do this anymore, I need you."

"You…need me."

She merely nodded as he stepped forward to envelope her in his arms. She knew there was so much to do, so much to talk out, but pretending just wasn't working for her any longer. She could go on and pretend that John made her happy and that she loved him, but she didn't. She loved Christian, and as she felt the familiar rush of adrenaline shooting through her veins that could only be described as love, she knew that she would never get over loving Christian, that it was all just going to come back to him anyhow.

She felt right for the first time in a long time.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. This is the second-to-last chapter, just letting you know ahead of time. :)

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Breaking up is hard to do.

Yes, it was a cheesy song lyric from the 60's, but in Trish's life, at this very moment, it held several different meanings. She had broken up with Christian, but now she was in his arms. And she knew that because she was in Christian's arms, she was going to have to break it off with John. It wasn't fair, and it was going to be difficult, but it was the right thing to do.

Her heart wasn't with John, and she knew that it never would be. Her heart belonged to Christian, and she couldn't keep ignoring that. She couldn't keep ignoring such a big part of herself. It was like she was denying herself oxygen and she just couldn't do that.; she couldn't hold her breath any longer without suffocating. Being without Christian made her feel like she was suffocating.

"Christian," she whispered.

"Yeah?" she heard him whisper back, his voice softer than the breeze hitting them.

"Please don't ever leave me again," she told him. "Promise me that you won't leave me again. I wouldn't be able to stand it."

"I promise," he told her, "and you can trust me on that one. I know that I've been a jackass and I don't deserve a second chance."

"It's not about deserving," she told him, holding him tighter than tight. "It's about the fact that when I feel alive, I'm with you. When I feel like a real person, with a real life, it's with you, and I can't pretend it isn't." People pretend every day and some people could do that, live that life of make believe. Some people became so good at hiding who they really were or what they could do and be, but she couldn't. She was as transparent as a window, and she couldn't be that person that she wasn't anymore.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry," Christian told her, pulling her tighter until she felt no breeze as she was so enveloped into his body. "I'm just so sorry."

"I know," she told him, "I know you are. I can't say I'm not mad at you for it, but I know that you're sorry. I know."

Christian pulled away and she almost whimpered at the loss of contact. He took her face in his hands and just looked at her. She could feel his eyes all over her face and she couldn't ever quite catch his gaze. She searched for it though and when she finally caught it, she could see only honest love for her and she had missed being gazed at by Christian. What he saw in her own eyes, she couldn't tell, but she hoped that he knew that she loved him so much too.

Christian saw her watery brown eyes, pools of tears just waiting to spring out. She closed her eyes a moment, as if to collect herself and he leaned forward and kissed one eyelid and then moved over to the other. She gave a deep sigh of contentment, and Christian nuzzled his nose against hers, and somehow, this was all gentler than it had been before. It was like the both of them had grown up sometime in the interim of their time apart. They had both seen the world without the other, and both found it bland and unappealing.

"I am, I am _so _sorry, you'll never know how much, but I'm going to make it up to you, I swear to God, right here, Trish, I'm going to make it up to you."

"All you have to do to make it up to me is to be here. That's all I need from you Christian, but that's really important. I just need you to be here because without you, I feel lost and alone and I just don't want to feel like that anymore."

"I know, I won't, I don't think I could do this again, and I wouldn't expect you to come back to me if I did, I didn't expect you to come back to me now, actually," he said with a soft chuckle. "In fact, I kind of think that I'm dreaming right now and everything is just kind of in a fog. I'm not dreaming, or am I? Because if I am, then this really, really sucks."

"Not dreaming," she told him. "Because if you were dreaming, I would not be feeling this pit in my stomach that's telling me what I have to do."

"What…oh," Christian said as he knew what she was talking about and she nodded.

"We still have a lot to work out Christian, this isn't going to be over in a few minutes and everything is suddenly going to be great with us. We have to work on it, but I'm willing to put in the work, and I think you are too…"

"I am," he said eagerly.

She nodded and took a deep breath, knowing she was going to have to go back into the lion's den so to speak. She looked Christian in the eye and spoke, "Well, I guess I have to go talk to someone…"

"I can go with you if you want."

"No, I have to do this by myself, there's no other way. If you're with me, then…it's just not going to be…I need to do this alone."

"Okay," he told her, but he was reluctant. He didn't want her to have to do this by herself. He was in this too and he wanted to support her, but maybe this was supporting her in a way. He had to let her do what she had to do on her own and not try to smother her.

Trish kissed him one more time, for luck she told herself, and went over to the door. She steeled herself, hoping that nobody had their ear up to the door. She could almost picture it now, she'd open the door and the entire party would fall at her feet in a huge pile, before guiltily getting up embarrassed. But when she did open the door, there wasn't anyone there, and nobody even looked in her direction. She sighed in relief at that.

As she stood on the edge of the dance floor, she thought about what she was about to do. She knew that John cared about her very deeply and she was about to break his heart. She was going to rip it out and watch it pound to a stop. She didn't want to do this, she realized, but what choice did she have? String the both of them along and keep them apart? She couldn't, and wouldn't, do that. They both deserved more.

It occurred to her briefly that she might be making the wrong decision in regards to Christian. Maybe she was making the worst decision of her life. John loved her, she knew this, even if he had never told her. She wasn't blind to his feelings. He cared about her and took care of her, and most importantly, he was there when she really needed someone to be there. Her other friends all had lives and they couldn't commit all their time to her and her problems. But John had been there for her when she needed the support. Now she was going to break his heart, and for what?

Christian wasn't exactly the ideal boyfriend, but he was the man she loved. And that love had to trump anything else that she might feel. She looked around the room and tried to spot him, but couldn't find him anywhere. She wanted to get this over with now because as each second passed, her resolve was fading quickly. If her resolve faded completely, she didn't think that she would really go through with this, and that scared her a little bit.

She decided to ask someone if they had seen John, and her eyes fell first on Stephanie and Chris, which wasn't hard because Stephanie was now carrying the only kid in the room. Somehow, Devin had found his way down into the ballroom and was being held by Stephanie. She walked over and saw that the little boy was watching the festivities sleepily as Chris rubbed his back in a soothing manner.

"Hey you guys, what's Dev doing here?" Trish asked.

"Oh, someone was cranky and wouldn't go to bed if we weren't there, he's just in that terrible two phase," Stephanie explained. "But he wanted to be with us and we weren't going to deny a two-year old that."

"Yeah, I can see that reasoning," Trish said, then looked around uncomfortably.

"I think I saw him in going to the bathroom," Stephanie said.

"What are you talking about?"

"John, everyone knows what you were doing out there with Christian," Chris interjected. "It's okay though, Trish, I think we all understood."

"Understood?"

"We knew…that Christian leaving…we knew that it was hard on you, we all know the faces and the zoning out, we're just saying that we knew," Stephanie explained. "I mean, you did just get back together with him right?"

"Yeah," she said sheepishly.

"And now you need to talk to John," Stephanie said.

"Yeah, I do," she said. "It's not going to go well, is it?"

"Well, I don't know exactly."

"Hey babe," John said, coming up behind Trish and kissing her cheek. Trish tensed in his arms, feeling even more horrible than she did before. Now that she was here in his arms, her resolve was crumbling in double time. She gave a forced smile to Stephanie, who was looking sympathetic.

"Hey Johnny," she said, probably for the last time. She turned in his arms and looked up at him. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

John didn't like that look on her face, but he agreed anyways, "Yeah, sure, where?"

"The lobby maybe, or…I don't know, somewhere quiet."

"Do you want to go back up to the room or something?"

"That might work," she told him, nodding her head. He smiled at her as he took her hand. What was she doing? She didn't want to hurt John, she really didn't. She let him lead her out of the ballroom, leaving the cacophony of sound behind for the silence of the elevator. The ride was short, she expected it to be long and arduous for her troubled mind, but it was much too short. It was mere moments and she was now faced with a door and a conversation she wasn't looking forward to.

"So what's up?" John asked as they went inside. "Or did you just want to get me up here so you could have your way with me?"

Trish didn't smile as she sat down on the bed and looked sideways to the ground. John noticed her demeanor and realized that this was actually a serious conversation and not one that was going to end well. Plus, he had a strong feeling that he knew what this was going to be about. He had been so good at ignoring the situation, of ignoring the way she spaced out or the way that she would watch him in TNA. He had gotten it down to a science, this ignorance, but deep down he knew. Deep down he knew that he was just living on borrowed time.

He came and sat next to her, looking down at the ground himself. "It's him, isn't it?"

Trish was startled that he knew, but she should've known. If everyone else knew and hinted at her, there was no way that John couldn't see it. "I'm sorry…"

John nodded. "Is there any chance for me, because I will get down on my knees right now and tell you why you should choose me?"

"Johnny, please don't do that because that would break me," she told him quietly. "I don't want to do this, I don't want to hurt you."

"I know you don't Trish, but it's gonna hurt anyways," he said to her, grabbing her hand. "I love you, you know that, I don't have to tell you for you to know that, and I thought…I thought I made you happy."

"You did, you took my mind off of things," she told him, turning on the bed so she could face him. "You have no idea how much you helped me. You pulled me through a time where I didn't even want to get up in the morning. I was at my lowest point, Johnny, and you were there to pull me through, and for that I'm so grateful."

"What if he does it to you again, Trish, huh? What if he leaves you again like he did? He did it once, so there's no way to know if he won't do it again. You're willing to take that chance, when you could have something good and steady here."

"I don't know anything, Johnny, I don't know _anything_. All I know is that I love him…and I know that sound stupid and naïve of me, but it's what…it's what I feel. I'm not a whole person if I'm not with him, and you were so good at distracting me that I thought I was healing, I thought I was getting over everything…but then I see him, and I talk to him, and he's…Christian, and I'm Trish, and we just…go. We go…"

"We go together too, Trish," John pleaded. "We do and I would never hurt you like he did. I wouldn't do it. I would never leave you like he did. How can you forgive something like that?"

"I haven't," she told him. "I haven't forgiven Christian for that, not completely, but I have to move forward. Johnny, I'm not right for you. I'll never be what you want me to be. I'll never be fully committed to you, and I'll never be really enough for you when a large part of my heart is somewhere else."

"You _are_ enough for me," he told her passionately. "You have no idea how enough for me you are. When I'm with you…it's like magic or something and that's good enough for me."

Trish's eyes were full of tears at this point. "John…I'm sorry, I really am. But over time, you'd realize that you'd need more from me, much more, and it'd be things that I couldn't give you. And you'd hate me, and you'd start to resent me."

"Don't tell me how I'd feel!" John said, frustrated with how this was going. He didn't want to give up Trish. He didn't care that she was hung up over Christian, she would get over that. She would get over that and be with him, she just had to believe in it.

"Okay, I'm sorry," she told him, not wanting to turn this into a shouting match. "John, it's like this…I can't be with you when I'm still in love with Christian. I'll probably never really be over Christian if I don't see where this is going."

"So whatever I do, it's not going to be enough," he said testily.

"John, it's not like that. I wish you could see it from my perspective but--"

"Then just get the hell out of here," John told her. "Just get the hell out of my sight."

"John…"

"No, just leave, Trish, just fucking leave," John said, turning away from her.

Trish opened her mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out because there was nothing that she could say. He wanted her to leave and the least she could do was respect his wishes. She didn't want it to turn out this way, but what other way could it turn out? He was hurt and upset and she didn't blame him. She couldn't blame him because she knew what this would do to him. She didn't want to be callous or mean, but this was what she needed. She needed Christian and she couldn't just leave what she knew was right.

She leaned over to kiss John's cheek, even if he didn't want it. "I'm sorry John, I really am…I hope one day you forgive me."

Trish stood up and gathered up her things before pulling her suitcase out of the room and leaving John to his privacy. John sat there, and he was glad he hadn't looked at Trish, because she would've seen a broken man. He sat up and sucked at his teeth a little, his eyes actually watery. Yes, he was on the verge of tears. John fucking Cena was on the verge of tears and it was the most pathetic sight that he could ever think of. He wiped at his eyes, furiously trying to erase the tears that were pooling in there and burning. He looked to the door where she had just exited and let a few stray tears fall down his face, feeling for all the world, a fool.

"I forgive you, Trish, I forgive you."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: This is the last chapter of the story. Thanks so much for reading it, and hopefully enjoying it. It's been a ride, and a good experience writing a different couple. I hope you leave a review and tell me what you thought. Thanks, and enjoy. :)

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The elevator ride was long and lonely. The music playing softly in the background didn't help either, a lilting, happy tune not exactly mirroring her current mood. She felt horrible for what she had just done to John. She felt like scum, but what she had said had been the truth. She wasn't over Christian and she felt like she wasn't ever going to get over Christian, and if that was the case, why would she purposefully keep herself away from him?

She had no explanation for that and she wasn't going to find one soon. Sometimes life was strange like that. You find yourself continuously going back to someone who you love without fault. You know there are flaws, and you know that maybe it won't ever work out, but you also know that it could be the best thing to ever happen in your life. That's why you hold onto hope, that's why you cling to it when it might not ever show up again. Because if it does show up, if it comes back, you'll be there to welcome it with open arms. Maybe it was a foolish notion, but sometimes you had to believe in the foolish or fall into an abyss.

She walked back into the ballroom, her eyes scanning the floor for Christian. She needed him right now. She needed to feel him and see him and know that he was going to be there for her, right now, tomorrow, forever. She spotted him sitting at the head table alone, his chin in his hand and waiting. He definitely had that waiting look on his face and she smiled a little as she took him in. He was definitely a sight for sore eyes, and one she could look at all night, and hoped she would. He had isolated himself from everyone and she wondered if that was by coincidence or by design.

Either way, she made her way over to him and as if sensing her presence, he looked over at her and smiled. "Hey."

"Hey back," she said as she came to sit next to him. "You're all alone."

"Just thinking."

"Already want to give me back?" she joked, setting the tone as lighter than it had been a moment before.

"I think I'll keep you for a while," he told her with a smile. He took her hand in his and gently caressed her knuckles with his thumb, something she had always loved. "So…how did it go?"

"It went," was all she said. She sighed and looked out at the dance floor briefly before turning back and locking her gaze with Christian. "It wasn't great, but it had to be done I guess. I didn't want to string him along anymore."

Christian nodded, not really having anything to say about that, but there was one thing that he needed to know, just to be reassured, that was all. "Did you love him?"

"No," she said almost immediately, which surprised both Christian _and_ her. She looked down. "I don't think I could, and that's not to say that you have some sort of power over me, I just think that I kept myself in reserve when it came to love. I needed time."

"Oh, makes sense," he said as they went back to being silent. Trish squeezed his hand and let him know silently that she loved him. He knew and let go of her hand to pull her chair closer to his as they sat there. She leaned forward so she could rest her elbows on the table. Christian situated himself in a way that let him kind of sit behind her as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"I missed you," she whispered, just letting him know again that he was definitely who she wanted and needed.

"Not half as much as I missed you," he whispered back, letting his words fall into the noisy air as they were content to sit there and just watch everyone, feeling like they were where they should be.

Trish looked out at the dance floor as she and Christian sat at the head table, a little bit away from everyone, but still close enough that they could watch the crowd slightly below them partying away. She let her eyes float from couple to couple as she rested her hand on tope of Christian's, lacing their fingers together. Each one was different, each one unique in their own way and yet, somehow, they had all made it here to this moment.

Edge and Lita had had an affair. It wasn't the best start. Matt had gotten injured, and somehow, Lita had fallen into Edge's arms. They had kept their romance a secret, but it had gotten out. Lita had been scared that Edge would leave her once they were exposed, but it had never happened. He had stayed with her, telling her that he had loved her all along, and that he had been hoping she would leave Matt of her own accord. She had been surprised by the confession, but ecstatic about how he felt. She had wanted him too, but was just afraid it wasn't what he wanted.

They were laughing now, Edge holding a beer in his left hand as he had his right hand over her shoulder. Lita was looking up at him adoringly as he chattered away about something Trish couldn't hear. Lita nodded eagerly and then leaned her head against his chest, as he kissed the top of her head softly. Sometimes you found something through something that everyone else thought was wrong. Sometimes life just worked out that way.

Hunter and Ashley had been something of an oxymoron for people. They were opposites for sure, but somehow, they balanced each other out in ways that people hadn't expected. She had introduced him to heavy metal music, and he had introduced her to golfing, which she thought she would hate, but ended up having a fun time with. There's was a sweet story though, when Ashley had broken her leg, Hunter had carried her to the ambulance and rode with her to the hospital simply because he was the only one who could carry her when she came backstage. There weren't any other wrestlers around and so it had fallen to him.

In the ambulance they had gotten to talking, and he had ended up staying with her the entire time she went through the x-rays and the cast getting put on. By the time she got her discharge papers, they had already set up a date for the next evening. The next evening they had set a date for the evening after that, and pretty soon all their evenings were filled with seeing each other. It had been a pleasant shock to them both and for everyone else as well, but it fit, they fit.

Hunter and Ashley were dancing in the middle of the dance floor, the disco ball above their heads making it look like stars were twinkling around them. She was leaning her chin against his shoulder, which she could reach thanks to her stiletto heels. She was smiling dreamily as the music swayed around her. Hunter was playing with her hair and just curling it around his finger gently as she closed her eyes in happiness. They were happy tonight and had a whole future ahead of them.

Trish's eyes then fell on Chris and Stephanie. Those two were a trip and so was their entire history. They had been married for three years, and they were still going strong, still very much in love with each other, which had surprised a lot of people. Stephanie and Chris had gotten married one week to the day after they started dating. They had hopped on a plane to Italy and had gotten married in a villa overlooking the Italian Riviera in Portofino. Nobody had known about it until they had come back with matching wedding bands on their fingers. Even though they had only been dating a week, somehow, once people got over the shock, it had made a lot of sense.

Three months later and she was pregnant with Devin. They had thought it a happy coincidence and she remembered when Stephanie had announced it by buying all of her friends shirts that said, "She's not fat, she's pregnant," on them. Stephanie had a matching shirt that said, "I'm the pregnant one," and Chris had gotten a shirt saying, "I did the knocking up." It was just how they were, completely nuts about each other and pretty much about everything else. It kept their marriage fun and exciting. Devin was just like them too, loud, boisterous, cocky to a fault, but the nicest person you could ever hope to meet.

Chris was holding Devin in his arms right now, swaying back and forth to the music, letting the boy fall asleep. The noise didn't bother him; he just wanted to be around his parents so he could go to sleep. Stephanie had her hand in Chris's pocket for some reason, standing close to him as she laid her head on his shoulder, probably getting a little tired herself from all the planning and being pregnant. Chris told her something, and she looked around the room and smiled, nodding in agreement of whatever he had said. She leaned up to kiss him gently and then press a kiss to Devin's cheek. Sometimes things worked out quickly when you didn't exactly expect them to.

She looked back to her own boyfriend, her Christian and she smiled. Things were new again, but still had that old familiarity to it. Paths changed, destinies were mixed up, fate was nothing that was solid. She just had now, and she just had him and she would take what she could get, like all of her friends. There was no set way, maybe she needed to lose him to gain him back. Maybe losing him had given him to her in ways that she hadn't imagined, maybe it made her stronger, more resilient. She didn't know, she just knew that just like all her friends had ways to get to each other, she and Christian had found their way to each other, and if it meant having her heart broken so be it. If it meant that she would be right here, right now with him, she'd take it all.

She thought back to John. He would find someone; she knew that he would find someone who was a million times better than she was. They weren't right for each other and she was glad they found out now before things got really serious between them. She would never have been able to give him her heart, because her heart was taken. But John had a lot to give to some lucky woman and he would, and things would work out. It was when you think that nothing will go your way when, in fact, everything starts to turn in your favor. Just like tonight; she thought she would be miserable, but instead, she had found her spot again. No more watching TNA to get a glimpse of Christian, a brief moment of respite from the darkness of the rest of her day. He was here with her now, and she didn't need to worry anymore, not about whether her heart would heal, because she finally, finally had her heart back. It was such a refreshing feeling. She sighed happily and leaned back against Christian and sighed contentedly.

"What're you thinking?" he asked her.

"How nice it is to feel alive again."

THE END


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